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Post by John on Jan 24, 2019 9:13:22 GMT -5
I am not sure I would call what he did leaving her. Technically, she left him because of his behavior and unreasonable demands upon her, but I agree with your advise Candance. This is another sad case of a man not fulfilling his God given responsibilities.
"But if any provide not for his own, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 1 Timothy 5:8
According to scripture, his refusal to be the provider when he is able bodied makes him worse than your typical sinner.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2019 12:57:57 GMT -5
For Tabitha3319 ‘s situation, I’m reminded of this... But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. — 1 Corinthians 7:15 Whether a husband departs by physically moving out himself or by telling his wife she might as well leave, a wife can tell when she’s been shoved aside. This doean’t mean she should run out and find a new husband, but she can’t force a man to provide for her against his will. If Naomi has been the one paying the bills, and it gets to where she can’t work long-term because she’s unstable, what do you suppose would happen? Naomi, my advice is to find a safe place where you can recover, get yourself mentally and spiritually healthy, but do stay from any new romantic relationships, and try to stay loyal to your vows. Then pray for the Lord to move on your husband’s heart. If your husband repents and you can save your marriage, that’s the best outcome. But follow the Lord’s leadership and let Him handle the situation. It's like I know the Lord is leading and I'm following. I'm back with my parents near the beach away from the city. It feels a lot safer in every way. My sister from church encouraged me to go back to them and rest. I felt her heart and that she really was telling the truth. There are times when it's like walking effortlessly in water to follow the Lord. Especially since I confessed my sins and repented. But other times my need to control situations outweighs my trust in the Lord's leading. However, what you just said confirms what I felt the Lord was telling me in my heart: focus on recovery with the Lord's discernment, relax, no men right now, wait on the Lord.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2019 13:07:32 GMT -5
Tabitha3319 If you don’t mind me asking, are you homeless now because you are separated from him? You say he doesn’t go to church, what do you mean then by devotion to an apostolic cult? For two weeks I moved around from hotel to hotel trying to maintain my job till I went to the Lord and He told me to quit. Then I stayed at my coworker's house (female friend, Don't worry) but her house felt creepy too and I had a panic attack, fled the house, parked in a church parking lot, and begged the Lord to forgive any occult involvement ever that I could think if and any other strong sins. I begged him to deliver me and I believe He did what was needed according to His will because ever since I've been having victory I'm spiritual warfare and have had to trust the Lord like never before. My family of believers have served me in ways I could hardly have asked. It's just like the New Testament describing the gifts of the Church! When we come together in the name if Jesus and pray, powerful things--- salvation, deliverance, recovery, strongholds weakening--- it really does happen. And my faith has grown. I believe one day I'll have faith to move mountains and I really mean that. But now I know that you must trust the Lord fully and I do but it must increase for me to be ready to be sent out on my calling. It's all about His will. And others confirm that being with my parents right now is His will.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2019 13:16:12 GMT -5
For Tabitha3319 ‘s situation, I’m reminded of this... But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. — 1 Corinthians 7:15 Whether a husband departs by physically moving out himself or by telling his wife she might as well leave, a wife can tell when she’s been shoved aside. This doean’t mean she should run out and find a new husband, but she can’t force a man to provide for her against his will. If Naomi has been the one paying the bills, and it gets to where she can’t work long-term because she’s unstable, what do you suppose would happen? Naomi, my advice is to find a safe place where you can recover, get yourself mentally and spiritually healthy, but do stay from any new romantic relationships, and try to stay loyal to your vows. Then pray for the Lord to move on your husband’s heart. If your husband repents and you can save your marriage, that’s the best outcome. But follow the Lord’s leadership and let Him handle the situation. The only thing on my end is that--- I desire my husband to repent so that He is saved. But I have zero desire to stay married to him. I don't feel any guilt about that. It's more like, I'm willing if the Lord puts forth that I should trust him again and He is the man for me, but I just have this feeling someone else is there for me. Not just to make me happy and not anytime in the really soon future. I'm to focus on recovery right now and agree romantic intentions are a no go for now. But it feels like I'm being led to a ministry with a man who would be better equipped to minister with a helpmate. Unlike in the past, I know I won't have to seek him out because like with most things in the Lord, it will be clear and biblical and under righteous circumstances. That's why I'm glad you mentioned Corinthians 7:15. I had read an explanation of it but had given up hope that it applied to me and figured I would just have to be single forever if I divorced my husband. A daunting and bleak prospect. Don't get me wrong--- men scare me now. But the desire to help and be married and serve God WITH someone is still there. I don't know what the Lord has in store. So for now I just need to wait on Him and follow his lead. And not allow just anyone in my life.
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PG4Him
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Post by PG4Him on Jan 24, 2019 13:21:23 GMT -5
Sister, I say this with love and humility... you need to be really, really, really, really, reeeeeeeally, reeeeally, REALLY careful about already envisioning a second husband. That is an open door for you to talk yourself into it. The Holy Spirit will not — I repeat NOT — drop hints about a second husband while you’re still married to the first one. Even going by what Paul said in Corinthians, he didn’t say such wives are free to start daydreaming about a second husband.
I cannot get on board with the Lord telling you to give up on your husband. Much love to you, but I can’t see that happening.
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Post by Abby-Joy on Jan 24, 2019 15:09:35 GMT -5
Sister Naomi, I must agree with Candance PG4Him. Another aspect to this is that divorce is not permitted by God except for the reason of infidelity (adultery). Otherwise, you would be committing sin to remarry.
I'll give a snippet of what my situation has been. I left my husband for safety reasons 7 years ago. We remained married and I did not desire to be back together with him, although I cared for him greatly and prayed for him. He was not estranged from seeing our children and he still provided for us financially. But the Lord allowed certain circumstances that brought us back together and He has renewed my love for my husband. It hasn't been easy. During those years apart, there were attempts (by other people) to connect me with another man. I did not entertain it!! If we had divorced, I still wouldn't have felt led to remarry.
What I'm getting at... separation might be needed for a time, but please spend that time growing in your walk with the Lord, as well as praying for your husband. That is the best way to be a help meet at this time. In time, I believe the Lord is able to heal your marriage, and He can resurrect cold dead hearts. He really can! But for the time being, you should focus on drawing close to God, and praying for your husband.
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Post by John on Jan 24, 2019 15:10:36 GMT -5
Sister, I say this with love and humility... you need to be really, really, really, really, reeeeeeeally, reeeeally, REALLY careful about already envisioning a second husband. That is an open door for you to talk yourself into it. The Holy Spirit will not — I repeat NOT — drop hints about a second husband while you’re still married to the first one. Even going by what Paul said in Corinthians, he didn’t say such wives are free to start daydreaming about a second husband. I cannot get on board with the Lord telling you to give up on your husband. Much love to you, but I can’t see that happening. I am so glad you said this. I don't think that scripture applies to her situation. It is about two sinners that marry where one gets saved and the other doesn't and the one that doesn't walks out on the one that got saved. It is very specific. All too many people fall into that free to re-marry trap. That is why I asked if she is prepared to be single going forward.
I do think being home with family is a good thing at this time.
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Post by 2fw8212a on Jan 24, 2019 15:37:39 GMT -5
...If we had divorced, I still wouldn't have felt led to remarry.
If parents knew how their children feel when they decide to divorce and the two start playing with unknown people...
Then, they will never remarry but remain single for the rest of life (no matter the cost).
"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:
A wife is not to depart from her husband." - 1 Corinthians 7:10
"But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled
to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:11
I can say this because it is completely possible for Christians.
I am 27, never been married or involved with anyone and I could easily remain in this state for the rest of life (by the grace of God).
But I understand there is a lot of uncertainty and the feeling of "I CANNOT" if you have not experienced it.
It is like the end of the world if you remain alone. But that can be overcome and you can have true joy while being single.
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find..." - Matthew 7:7
Blessings!
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Post by Abby-Joy on Jan 24, 2019 15:43:18 GMT -5
...If we had divorced, I still wouldn't have felt led to remarry.
If parents knew how their children feel when they decide to divorce and the two start playing with unknown people...
Then, they will never remarry but remain single for the rest of life (no matter the cost).
"Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord:
A wife is not to depart from her husband." - 1 Corinthians 7:10
"But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled
to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." - 1 Corinthians 7:11
I can say this because it is completely possible for Christians.
I am 27, never been married or involved with anyone and I could easily remain in this state for the rest of life (by the grace of God).
But I understand there is a lot of uncertainty and the feeling of "I CANNOT" if you have not experienced it.
It is like the end of the world if you remain alone. But that can be overcome and you can have true joy while being single.
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find..." - Matthew 7:7
Blessings! As a child who suffered severe abuse, I was relieved when my dad left us. My mom took him back though and I felt betrayed. I still dreamed that they would both come to Christ and be back together... every child wants their family together. But it can be worse if an abusive parent is in the home. In truth, both of my parents were abusive. But it was my dad who was the most violently abusive.
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PG4Him
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Post by PG4Him on Jan 24, 2019 16:03:03 GMT -5
I’m looking at the verse in Corinthians strictly in terms of not demanding a reluctant spouse to keep living in the home with you. If a spouse is determined to separate, you can’t force them to stay with you. It sounds like Naomi’s living situation was going there inevitably. Too many spouses cling to a living situation that isn’t working because they’ve been told it’s a sin to take a break.
But it’s clearly talking about separation only. Paul says nothing about divorce or remarriage. If your spouse wants to separate, let them separate, and be married from a distance. But either way you slice it, whether you live under the same roof or not, you’re married.
I did not intend to give Naomi the impression to expect a divorce.
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Post by John on Jan 24, 2019 16:45:12 GMT -5
I’m looking at the verse in Corinthians strictly in terms of not demanding a reluctant spouse to keep living in the home with you. If a spouse is determined to separate, you can’t force them to stay with you. It sounds like Naomi’s living situation was going there inevitably. Too many spouses cling to a living situation that isn’t working because they’ve been told it’s a sin to take a break. But it’s clearly talking about separation only. Paul says nothing about divorce or remarriage. If your spouse wants to separate, let them separate, and be married from a distance. But either way you slice it, whether you live under the same roof or not, you’re married. I did not intend to give Naomi the impression to expect a divorce. Some believe when it says not in bondage, it means free to re-marry, but I am saying that even if that were true, it is a very narrow application, and it doesn't fit her circumstances. If she wants the truth on this, she can examine the context and see it only applies to an unbeliever abandoning a believer because their spouse got saved after their marriage, and they didn't want to dwell with a Christian spouse. That is not what happened here. Of course, you can find someone willing to misapply this to make you feel better.
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PG4Him
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Post by PG4Him on Jan 24, 2019 16:53:56 GMT -5
When I see bondage in that sentence, I’ve always thought it meant bondage in terms of not being trapped in a house with an unhappy person. Even applying it in the context of a new Christian being married to an unbeliever, under the strictest interpretation of that verse, even for them it would not be a license to divorce. So the word bondage there has nothing to do with divorce and remarriage. I would not counsel a new believer to expect divorce from an atheist spouse who ran off.
Based on what Naomi is telling us, I do think there’s a case to be made that it applies to her. She has had a radical change in her understanding of Jesus, and her husband is resisting it. He may not be an unbeliever per se, but he’s resisting her on her newfound faith, and it’s causing friction.
Yes a lot of people abuse that sentence, but we can’t start ignoring things because they’re abused...
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Post by John on Jan 24, 2019 17:02:58 GMT -5
When I see bondage in that sentence, I’ve always thought it meant bondage in terms of not being trapped in a house with an unhappy person. Even applying it in the context of a new Christian being married to an unbeliever, under the strictest interpretation of that verse, even for them it would not be a license to divorce. So the word bondage there has nothing to do with divorce and remarriage. I would not counsel a new believer to expect divorce from an atheist spouse who ran off. Based on what Naomi is telling us, I do think there’s a case to be made that it applies to her. She has had a radical change in her understanding of Jesus, and her husband is resisting it. He may not be an unbeliever per se, but he’s resisting her on her newfound faith, and it’s causing friction. Yes a lot of people abuse that sentence, but we can’t start ignoring things because they’re abused... I meant it didn't apply because he didn't actually throw her out. She left, and in that passage, if the unbeliever is content to dwell with the believer, the believer is told to remain. If he had walked out on her, it would be a different story. Regardless, it is a sad situation.
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PG4Him
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Post by PG4Him on Jan 24, 2019 17:12:14 GMT -5
When a husband tells his wife straight-out that he won’t pay the bills, he won’t run the household, he doesn’t care if she comes or goes, he doesn’t want to relationship with her, and he wants to hide in the basement playing video games —this is a passive aggressive maneuver to get rid of her. This allows him to be the good guy who is puzzled when she “walks out“ because he’s not the one who told her to leave. But the writing is on the wall, and she knows separation is coming. Oh wife can’t stay in the house when there are no groceries and the lights are being cut off. And just because her husband did not technically pack her bags, it doesn’t mean that he wanted her to stay. This is where I’m coming from.
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Post by frienduff on Jan 24, 2019 17:20:00 GMT -5
Sister, I say this with love and humility... you need to be really, really, really, really, reeeeeeeally, reeeeally, REALLY careful about already envisioning a second husband. That is an open door for you to talk yourself into it. The Holy Spirit will not — I repeat NOT — drop hints about a second husband while you’re still married to the first one. Even going by what Paul said in Corinthians, he didn’t say such wives are free to start daydreaming about a second husband. I cannot get on board with the Lord telling you to give up on your husband. Much love to you, but I can’t see that happening. Let is be said , I FULLYAGREE. either remain single or be reconciled to your husband . NO REMARRIAGE . NO REMARRIAGE . THAT is ADULTERY. And I beg and plead no man woman or child says otherwise . I have been single for many years . Happy is the one who keeps JESUS SAYINGS .
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