Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 17, 2019 16:20:05 GMT -5
I really wasn't sure where this question should be asked so I put it here.
I need to have a better understanding on what is appropriate anger? When I was in 6th grade I was molested by my school teacher. After all of that came out in the open I became a very angry young person. I didn't know why I was angry all the time but I was. I portrayed some very ugly behavior and my mother made me feel very shamed about it. After an incident in 9th grade I swore I would never act that way again because I had embarrassed my mother and she really made me feel so bad about it. It was after my decision to have better behavior that I started having panic attacks. I have had a major issue throughout my life with not showing anger. I have been told that I am passive aggressive... which is not good either. I know it's not Godly to be angry all the time or to show yourself when you are angry. But, what I'm wondering is when does it become sin and wrong? I was always afraid that I was living in sin if I showed anger. I really have no balance in this area. I rarely feel angry... like I shove it down for a long time until I am pushed so hard and then I explode. I was hoping some wise one here could help me understand a little better?
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Post by 2fw8212a on Dec 25, 2019 10:46:48 GMT -5
I really wasn't sure where this question should be asked so I put it here. I need to have a better understanding on what is appropriate anger? When I was in 6th grade I was molested by my school teacher. After all of that came out in the open I became a very angry young person. I didn't know why I was angry all the time but I was. I portrayed some very ugly behavior and my mother made me feel very shamed about it. After an incident in 9th grade I swore I would never act that way again because I had embarrassed my mother and she really made me feel so bad about it. It was after my decision to have better behavior that I started having panic attacks. I have had a major issue throughout my life with not showing anger. I have been told that I am passive aggressive... which is not good either. I know it's not Godly to be angry all the time or to show yourself when you are angry. But, what I'm wondering is when does it become sin and wrong? I was always afraid that I was living in sin if I showed anger. I really have no balance in this area. I rarely feel angry... like I shove it down for a long time until I am pushed so hard and then I explode. I was hoping some wise one here could help me understand a little better? I have problems with anger as well. It is hard sometimes.
But what we can do is to exercise self-control, walk in the spirit, pray, etc...
“For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh;
and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” - Galatians 5:17
There are times we need to speak with boldness, but righteous anger is different because it does not go out of control.
“Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” - Matthew 7:20
But being easily angered for small things, such as when people asks you something is something that needs to be fixed in us.
“Love suffers long and is kind...” - 1 Corinthians 13:4
“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” - Galatians 5:16
Blessings!
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Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 29, 2019 13:51:45 GMT -5
I really wasn't sure where this question should be asked so I put it here. I need to have a better understanding on what is appropriate anger? When I was in 6th grade I was molested by my school teacher. After all of that came out in the open I became a very angry young person. I didn't know why I was angry all the time but I was. I portrayed some very ugly behavior and my mother made me feel very shamed about it. After an incident in 9th grade I swore I would never act that way again because I had embarrassed my mother and she really made me feel so bad about it. It was after my decision to have better behavior that I started having panic attacks. I have had a major issue throughout my life with not showing anger. I have been told that I am passive aggressive... which is not good either. I know it's not Godly to be angry all the time or to show yourself when you are angry. But, what I'm wondering is when does it become sin and wrong? I was always afraid that I was living in sin if I showed anger. I really have no balance in this area. I rarely feel angry... like I shove it down for a long time until I am pushed so hard and then I explode. I was hoping some wise one here could help me understand a little better? I have problems with anger as well. It is hard sometimes.
But what we can do is to exercise self-control, walk in the spirit, pray, etc...
“For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh;
and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” - Galatians 5:17
There are times we need to speak with boldness, but righteous anger is different because it does not go out of control.
“Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” - Matthew 7:20
But being easily angered for small things, such as when people asks you something is something that needs to be fixed in us.
“Love suffers long and is kind...” - 1 Corinthians 13:4
“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” - Galatians 5:16
Blessings!My problem is not dealing with any anger... in other words I felt like I was sinning if I ever got mad. So, I just didn't allow myself to feel it. Well, what happens when you shove all emotions down... they come out in another way and you end up getting sick from it. That's what I think caused the onset of panic attacks for me and I need to learn was is appropriate behavior and anger.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2019 14:32:47 GMT -5
I have problems with anger as well. It is hard sometimes.
But what we can do is to exercise self-control, walk in the spirit, pray, etc...
“For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh;
and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.” - Galatians 5:17
There are times we need to speak with boldness, but righteous anger is different because it does not go out of control.
“Therefore by their fruits you will know them.” - Matthew 7:20
But being easily angered for small things, such as when people asks you something is something that needs to be fixed in us.
“Love suffers long and is kind...” - 1 Corinthians 13:4
“I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.” - Galatians 5:16
Blessings! My problem is not dealing with any anger... in other words I felt like I was sinning if I ever got mad. So, I just didn't allow myself to feel it. Well, what happens when you shove all emotions down... they come out in another way and you end up getting sick from it. That's what I think caused the onset of panic attacks for me and I need to learn was is appropriate behavior and anger. Dear sister, I think your perception is exactly right. It's not a sin to merely experience anger....otherwise we would have to call God a sinner because we read of instances when He gets angry. Instead of processing your emotions in an open, honest and healthy manner with the help of the Lord, your anger was forced underground so to speak....it is still there, but underground, and now gets expressed in backhanded ways like passive aggressive behaviour. Same with the fear, it sounds like the adults in your life didn't know how to comfort you and the fear went underground and now gets expressed in ways that are outside of your conscious control. The word doesn't say to never be angry...it only says we ought not to sin in the way we express our anger. For example don't punch someone in the face because we are angry with them, or don't seek revenge. In your case you were wronged in a most regrettable way....robbed, as it were, and mistreated....your anger is natural and justified. As a young person you didn't know how to deal with it and were acting out, probably in sinful ways....but in Christ we are not condemned and can come to Jesus with whatever we are dealing with and seek His help to start dealing with what happened to us, knowing that He is not condemning us for feeling angry etc.......and believe in faith that as you keep seeking Him, He WILL begin to help you process your feelings of anger and fear/traumatization, and at some point you will come to the place of being able to forgive the person that wronged you and let go of the anger and unforgiveness into God's hands....and also receive His comfort in place of the fear. That's how this situation looks to me anyway...I was molested as a child too, and understand how this can plaly out in a person's life. There might be an element of self-blame in there too....blaming yourself for 'allowing' it to happen, and then on top of that being blamed and blaming yourself for being angry......... and all that will need to be aired out before the Lord as well. He is the Lord our Healer and helps us to unravel our crooked paths....I pray you will be encouraged to unburden yourself to Him Dezi, and cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. He is not condemning you.
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Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 29, 2019 15:15:21 GMT -5
My problem is not dealing with any anger... in other words I felt like I was sinning if I ever got mad. So, I just didn't allow myself to feel it. Well, what happens when you shove all emotions down... they come out in another way and you end up getting sick from it. That's what I think caused the onset of panic attacks for me and I need to learn was is appropriate behavior and anger. Dear sister, I think your perception is exactly right. It's not a sin to merely experience anger....otherwise we would have to call God a sinner because we read of instances when He gets angry. Instead of processing your emotions in an open, honest and healthy manner with the help of the Lord, your anger was forced underground so to speak....it is still there, but underground, and now gets expressed in backhanded ways like passive aggressive behaviour. Same with the fear, it sounds like the adults in your life didn't know how to comfort you and the fear went underground and now gets expressed in ways that are outside of your conscious control. The word doesn't say to never be angry...it only says we ought not to sin in the way we express our anger. For example don't punch someone in the face because we are angry with them, or don't seek revenge. In your case you were wronged in a most regrettable way....robbed, as it were, and mistreated....your anger is natural and justified. As a young person you didn't know how to deal with it and were acting out, probably in sinful ways....but in Christ we are not condemned and can come to Jesus with whatever we are dealing with and seek His help to start dealing with what happened to us, knowing that He is not condemning us for feeling angry etc.......and believe in faith that as you keep seeking Him, He WILL begin to help you process your feelings of anger and fear/traumatization, and at some point you will come to the place of being able to forgive the person that wronged you and let go of the anger and unforgiveness into God's hands....and also receive His comfort in place of the fear. That's how this situation looks to me anyway...I was molested as a child too, and understand how this can plaly out in a person's life. There might be an element of self-blame in there too....blaming yourself for 'allowing' it to happen, and then on top of that being blamed and blaming yourself for being angry......... and all that will need to be aired out before the Lord as well. He is the Lord our Healer and helps us to unravel our crooked paths....I pray you will be encouraged to unburden yourself to Him Dezi, and cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. He is not condemning you. Watchful... the thing is I am not angry with the man that molested me, and I am not holding anger towards myself. But, I found out that many times after a molestation a child will be angry...I really don't know why I was angry except that he was taken out of my life and he somehow made me feel safe for a while. I didn't feel safe at home back then as my brothers were very mean to me and my parents allowed it. But when I pushed whatever the anger was down then I began to have the panic attacks. I don't feel ashamed of what happened. I wasn't the one who caused it and never thought that I was. I guess I just need to be able to feel angry now and not freak out about it. My mother didn't allow anger in our house because she grew up in so much anger and chaos in her own home. So I guess I just didn't know how to process the emotions around my molestation.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2019 16:47:37 GMT -5
Dear sister, I think your perception is exactly right. It's not a sin to merely experience anger....otherwise we would have to call God a sinner because we read of instances when He gets angry. Instead of processing your emotions in an open, honest and healthy manner with the help of the Lord, your anger was forced underground so to speak....it is still there, but underground, and now gets expressed in backhanded ways like passive aggressive behaviour. Same with the fear, it sounds like the adults in your life didn't know how to comfort you and the fear went underground and now gets expressed in ways that are outside of your conscious control. The word doesn't say to never be angry...it only says we ought not to sin in the way we express our anger. For example don't punch someone in the face because we are angry with them, or don't seek revenge. In your case you were wronged in a most regrettable way....robbed, as it were, and mistreated....your anger is natural and justified. As a young person you didn't know how to deal with it and were acting out, probably in sinful ways....but in Christ we are not condemned and can come to Jesus with whatever we are dealing with and seek His help to start dealing with what happened to us, knowing that He is not condemning us for feeling angry etc.......and believe in faith that as you keep seeking Him, He WILL begin to help you process your feelings of anger and fear/traumatization, and at some point you will come to the place of being able to forgive the person that wronged you and let go of the anger and unforgiveness into God's hands....and also receive His comfort in place of the fear. That's how this situation looks to me anyway...I was molested as a child too, and understand how this can plaly out in a person's life. There might be an element of self-blame in there too....blaming yourself for 'allowing' it to happen, and then on top of that being blamed and blaming yourself for being angry......... and all that will need to be aired out before the Lord as well. He is the Lord our Healer and helps us to unravel our crooked paths....I pray you will be encouraged to unburden yourself to Him Dezi, and cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. He is not condemning you. Watchful... the thing is I am not angry with the man that molested me, and I am not holding anger towards myself. But, I found out that many times after a molestation a child will be angry...I really don't know why I was angry except that he was taken out of my life and he somehow made me feel safe for a while. I didn't feel safe at home back then as my brothers were very mean to me and my parents allowed it. But when I pushed whatever the anger was down then I began to have the panic attacks. I don't feel ashamed of what happened. I wasn't the one who caused it and never thought that I was. I guess I just need to be able to feel angry now and not freak out about it. My mother didn't allow anger in our house because she grew up in so much anger and chaos in her own home. So I guess I just didn't know how to process the emotions around my molestation. Well, I will just encourage you to keep seeking the Lord, sister....He is the only one who really knows each one and what is buried in the darkness. In His time and when you are ready, He is able to shine the light into our hearts and heal. Bless you.
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Post by frienduff on Dec 30, 2019 0:45:44 GMT -5
I guess a good example of righteous anger , is when I see the pope or his many protestant leaders fleecing the flocks with a false inclusive love . YET I anger not to the point where I wish hell fire for any of them , rather my prayer is may their mouths be stopped period .
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Post by frienduff on Dec 30, 2019 0:47:57 GMT -5
or perhaps I should say , in their case silence is golden , and though I know duct tape is silver , I wont anger to the point where I would tie them up and duct tape their mouths , Rather I shall expose them for what they are and warn all to not even peek in their direction .
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Post by John on Dec 30, 2019 7:52:10 GMT -5
Frienduff is right when he speaks of it being okay to be angry over what false teachers are saying, because of the harm they are doing. Jesus was angry at the money changers in the Temple and overturned their tables. It is possible to be angry and not to actually sin. When you think of someone sinning in their anger, what comes to your mind? Using curse words and perhaps using the name of the Lord in vain is sinning in your anger. Harming someone physically is sinning in your anger. Making obscene gestures in your anger is sin. Trying to place a hex on someone out of anger is sin. It is possible to be angry over an injustice done to you or others without committing acts of sin. That is what it is saying to me.
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Post by John on Dec 30, 2019 7:54:39 GMT -5
This is really a good topic, because nearly everyone experiences anger at times, and anger itself is not a sin. I mentioned a few examples in my last post of things you can do that would be to sin in your anger. I would imagine others can think of other ways we do that? What are ways that people sin in their anger?
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Post by frienduff on Dec 30, 2019 8:25:44 GMT -5
This is really a good topic, because nearly everyone experiences anger at times, and anger itself is not a sin. I mentioned a few examples in my last post of things you can do that would be to sin in your anger. I would imagine others can think of other ways we do that? What are ways that people sin in their anger?
This is a big one and many in the church are highly guilty of this one .
THEY have hated ME without a cause . WHY did they HATE JESUS , cause he exposed their evil and spoke only truth . Well, the brethren of the LORD are often hated and despised by the many , because they bring the truth of JESUS sayings and pure bible sound doctrine , which contradicts and exposes their hermes men doctrine . AND they will hate you and despise you and separate you out , calling you legalistic and or judaizer . Hows that for a big one .
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Post by frienduff on Dec 30, 2019 8:27:43 GMT -5
And our reponse when this occurs should be , LEAP for joy and rejoice for great is your reward in heaven .
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Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 30, 2019 11:59:13 GMT -5
This is really a good topic, because nearly everyone experiences anger at times, and anger itself is not a sin. I mentioned a few examples in my last post of things you can do that would be to sin in your anger. I would imagine others can think of other ways we do that? What are ways that people sin in their anger?
I think if we get so angry and can't forgive afterwards then that would be sin. I guess I needed someone to show me how to express my anger appropriately...instead I now feel if anyone gets angry and acts a little miffed I feel it's bad. Like I was supposed to just accept whatever was thrown my way in life as ok. I wasn't supposed to feel angry. Really screwed up way of thinking I know... Not even sure I can allow myself to really be angry now. I wasn't even able to really get angry with my children much... I just accept all the behaviors and try to calmly tell them when they are not doing right but then they walk all over me it seems at times.
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Post by solid on Dec 30, 2019 12:04:27 GMT -5
This is really a good topic, because nearly everyone experiences anger at times, and anger itself is not a sin. I mentioned a few examples in my last post of things you can do that would be to sin in your anger. I would imagine others can think of other ways we do that? What are ways that people sin in their anger?
I think if we get so angry and can't forgive afterwards then that would be sin. I guess I needed someone to show me how to express my anger appropriately...instead I now feel if anyone gets angry and acts a little miffed I feel it's bad. Like I was supposed to just accept whatever was thrown my way in life as ok. I wasn't supposed to feel angry. Really screwed up way of thinking I know... Not even sure I can allow myself to really be angry now. I wasn't even able to really get angry with my children much... I just accept all the behaviors and try to calmly tell them when they are not doing right but then they walk all over me it seems at times. Hi Dezi. You don't want people walking over you, but you don't want to be an angry person either. You can be firm and stand up for yourself without being angry.
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Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 30, 2019 12:05:38 GMT -5
I think if we get so angry and can't forgive afterwards then that would be sin. I guess I needed someone to show me how to express my anger appropriately...instead I now feel if anyone gets angry and acts a little miffed I feel it's bad. Like I was supposed to just accept whatever was thrown my way in life as ok. I wasn't supposed to feel angry. Really screwed up way of thinking I know... Not even sure I can allow myself to really be angry now. I wasn't even able to really get angry with my children much... I just accept all the behaviors and try to calmly tell them when they are not doing right but then they walk all over me it seems at times. Hi Dezi. You don't want people walking over you, but you don't want to be an angry person either. You can be firm and stand up for yourself without being angry. I am 49 years old and have never found that balance... hopefully I can still learn it.
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