Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 31, 2019 15:36:18 GMT -5
So... I have been asking God to show me clearly about divorce and remarriage. It had to make some kind of sense as God knows we need to understand many things and he would not have left this understanding so unattainable for all of us. Marriage and Divorce has been around since Moses time at least. So God knows it's a big deal to us. I have asked God to show me if I would ever be able to be remarried as I don't want to wrong Him any further than I already have. What I feel he has shown me is this... I am not sure if my first marriage was a real marriage because my husband cheated on his first wife and left her. Later we met and he married me... but his ex wife didn't remarry for another 10 years. I was already married to him so I am assuming that means I was committing adultery when I married him and that's probably why my marriage wasn't blessed. Then, I divorced him. He has since remarried even though I was trying to reconcile the marriage when he remarried. I tried several times to get back together because I felt I had really done wrong. But, he would not and he remarried. So, at this point he has committed adultery against me by being remarried. I am now free to marry because of that. If he had never remarried I guess I would still be bound by marriage vows to him. I am not sure why I never got this before, but I was stuck on the part that I had made him sin by marrying another woman. God does not make things so complicated that we cannot figure out... we just have to listen to His spirit. This is where I feel God has led me in this journey of discovery. I hope I will still be welcome here if I ever do decide to remarry... Please let me know where you all stand on this so I know if I should go or stay. Thank you!
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Post by John on Dec 31, 2019 15:51:38 GMT -5
Hello Dezi. Here is what I would say to that. I sought the Lord on your behalf the other day and was shown the same thing in your case. I almost wrote you a pm about it, but was still wrestling with it because it is not something to take lightly. The only thing I would add is that if you do marry again, make sure your spouse is free.
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Post by John on Dec 31, 2019 16:22:13 GMT -5
One other word for you. Don't act out of fear. My feeling is that so long as you make sure you are both free in the sight of God, you will be blessed, but if not, you will lose any peace you have and miss God's will. I make no judgments on you. Be careful, as you will be effected for good or bad for the rest of your life based on how you proceed.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2019 18:23:18 GMT -5
My wife Sharon and my self came together after a few years of what my wife went through was a horrible first marriage of violence and affairs from her first. As a Christian at the time I spent much time in prayer and Christian guidance in church about this as I was not only taking on a wonderful lady who had been emotionally and physically hurt, I was to take on two children who had been abused too. Through love over the years, my wife came to know the Lord, My daughter refuses to allow anyone to say that I am a step dad to her (I am her blood dad to her). Even though both of our children have not accepted Jesus yet, they were brought up in love over those years In June this year (2019) my wife and I celebrated our 25th year and we have been truly been blessed over these years... God is good
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Post by John on Dec 31, 2019 18:46:44 GMT -5
I want to add a bit more to this. The other day, you made a comment about not understanding why you would not be allowed to remarry, and I said that I wish I could sit down with Jesus at lunch and ask him directly about your situation. You probably remember that? Anyway, that is not possible, at least not in the flesh, but I know that I had asked the Lord to answer hard questions for me in the past that I could not figure out on my own, so I took this to him.
This is what I felt the Lord showed me, and it kind of cleared up some things for me as well. The religious crowd was asking Jesus if it was lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause. That was the question Jesus was answering. He told them that if a man puts away his wife for any reason other than fornication, he causes her to commit adultery, and the man that marries her commits adultery with her. Jesus was given a follow up question. How come Moses told them to give her a writing of divorce and to put her away? In answer to that question, Jesus said that because of the hardness of their hearts, Moses permitted them to put their wives away, but from the beginning it was not so. I was not glued to the pages of my Bible as I was getting this answer, but I was going down the road. I am telling you this from memory.
Anyway, people ask, did Moses get in the flesh in setting up a bill of divorcement in the first place? The answer to that question is no. The law of Moses, all of it, was God given. The bill of divorcement was given by God, but what Moses was allowing because of the hardness of their hearts was for men to put away their wives for any cause. That was not ever God's intention. Moses allowed this because men's hearts were hard. Jesus says that unless sexual immorality is involved, divorce and re-marriage is sinful and leads to adultery.
As far as your situation goes, you pretty well explained it again as I had remembered it. It was not a simple case because you had already done things contrary to God's law, as had your ex-husband. I feel like that when he re-married, he slammed the door on any chance for reconciliation, as the law states that if he re-marries after divorcing you, the two of you can never reconcile again. It would be abomination in the sight of God. When we take everything into consideration, I feel like God was letting me know that you are able to re-marry, but just as you need to make sure you are in the clear, so must the person you marry be in the clear to marry you, or you could wind up in an adulterous marriage you cannot get out of, and have to live with the consequences. That would be worse for you than being single for the rest of your life. You will never have any real peace. You do not want that.
As for not acting out of fear, when fear is involved, it causes a person to make bad decisions. It is the opposite of faith. Even if you decide that you want to marry, you need to make sure that you marry the person God has for you, not just someone willing out of convenience. This decision will effect you for the rest of your life, and how I feel or Frienduff feels, or Giller feels or Cletus feels, or PG4Him feels, or anyone else for that matter, is the least of your concerns. What matters is that you have a clear conscience with God. I hope that makes sense.
As for you being welcome here regardless of what you do, of course you are welcome to remain here as far as I am concerned. Again, that is the least of your worries. Make sure that you are obeying the will of God. You could even potentially marry someone that is acceptable, and it could be the wrong person. You sought God about whether or not you can re-marry, and you got the same answer I did when I sought him for you, so I consider that a confirmation. Now, seek the Lord about finding the right partner for you. Don't get into too much of a hurry. Don't let fear drive you.
One last thing Dezi. I said that I almost wrote you the other day. In reality, I did write you, but didn't send it. I sought the Lord and asked him if I should send it. I wanted to make sure I wasn't letting emotions interfere with my judgment or compromising the truth to make you happy or selling out. I felt like because of my concerns, the Lord led me not to send that message, and to wait. Then you came in here a couple of days later and confirmed what I heard. I just want you to know that I am taking this whole thing very serious because I do care about you, and want you to be at peace, but I do not want you to have to be in bondage to having to remain single if God is not demanding that of you. If he was, then he would have something good for you as a single person. That may still be his will? Just because you can marry, doesn't mean that is God's will for you, but assuming that it is, and you did get peace about it. Make sure you get with the right person, for your sake, his sake, and the sake of both of your eternal souls.
Take care Dezi, and I hope what I have said has been of help to you in making your decision. Again, you are welcome here regardless. This was not an easy situation. As I have said before, it would be so much simpler if everyone knew God's Word before they made wrong choices. Once they are made, they can have lifelong and even eternal consequences. Still, we can't turn back time, so we must carry on where we are.
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Post by John on Dec 31, 2019 18:52:53 GMT -5
My wife Sharon and my self came together after a few years of what my wife went through was a horrible first marriage of violence and affairs from her first. As a Christian at the time I spent much time in prayer and Christian guidance in church about this as I was not only taking on a wonderful lady who had been emotionally and physically hurt, I was to take on two children who had been abused too. Through love over the years, my wife came to know the Lord, My daughter refuses to allow anyone to say that I am a step dad to her (I am her blood dad to her). Even though both of our children have not accepted Jesus yet, they were brought up in love over those years In June this year (2019) my wife and I celebrated our 25th year and we have been truly been blessed over these years... God is good Adultery was involved there, and so she was obviously free to re-marry. Every situation is different. Every situation doesn't have a simple answer. Now if someone simply chooses to put their wife away because they do not get along, or they just don't want to be married to that person any longer or they fall out of love or something like that, those are easy. We know they are not permitted to do that, and if they do, they commit adultery. Then we get all these different situations where adultery was involved in some way, and we have cases where someone was divorced and re-married not understanding God's Word or before they were saved, and what do you do? There are not always easy answers, so we have to take the matter to God and know for certain in our own heart that we are not doing anything sinful. God will never go against His Word, so in clear cut cases, there is no need to seek an answer, but in a situation like Dezi mentioned, that is not so simple. I really feel for those who find themselves in situations like this.
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Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
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Post by Dezi on Dec 31, 2019 18:59:25 GMT -5
I want to add a bit more to this. The other day, you made a comment about not understanding why you would not be allowed to remarry, and I said that I wish I could sit down with Jesus at lunch and ask him directly about your situation. You probably remember that? Anyway, that is not possible, at least not in the flesh, but I know that I had asked the Lord to answer hard questions for me in the past that I could not figure out on my own, so I took this to him.
This is what I felt the Lord showed me, and it kind of cleared up some things for me as well. The religious crowd was asking Jesus if it was lawful for a man to put away his wife for any cause. That was the question Jesus was answering. He told them that if a man puts away his wife for any reason other than fornication, he causes her to commit adultery, and the man that marries her commits adultery with her. Jesus was given a follow up question. How come Moses told them to give her a writing of divorce and to put her away? In answer to that question, Jesus said that because of the hardness of their hearts, Moses permitted them to put their wives away, but from the beginning it was not so. I was not glued to the pages of my Bible as I was getting this answer, but I was going down the road. I am telling you this from memory.
Anyway, people ask, did Moses get in the flesh in setting up a bill of divorcement in the first place? The answer to that question is no. The law of Moses, all of it, was God given. The bill of divorcement was given by God, but what Moses was allowing because of the hardness of their hearts was for men to put away their wives for any cause. That was not ever God's intention. Moses allowed this because men's hearts were hard. Jesus says that unless sexual immorality is involved, divorce and re-marriage is sinful and leads to adultery.
As far as your situation goes, you pretty well explained it again as I had remembered it. It was not a simple case because you had already done things contrary to God's law, as had your ex-husband. I feel like that when he re-married, he slammed the door on any chance for reconciliation, as the law states that if he re-marries after divorcing you, the two of you can never reconcile again. It would be abomination in the sight of God. When we take everything into consideration, I feel like God was letting me know that you are able to re-marry, but just as you need to make sure you are in the clear, so must the person you marry be in the clear to marry you, or you could wind up in an adulterous marriage you cannot get out of, and have to live with the consequences. That would be worse for you than being single for the rest of your life. You will never have any real peace. You do not want that.
As for not acting out of fear, when fear is involved, it causes a person to make bad decisions. It is the opposite of faith. Even if you decide that you want to marry, you need to make sure that you marry the person God has for you, not just someone willing out of convenience. This decision will effect you for the rest of your life, and how I feel or Frienduff feels, or Giller feels or Cletus feels, or PG4Him feels, or anyone else for that matter, is the least of your concerns. What matters is that you have a clear conscience with God. I hope that makes sense.
As for you being welcome here regardless of what you do, of course you are welcome to remain here as far as I am concerned. Again, that is the least of your worries. Make sure that you are obeying the will of God. You could even potentially marry someone that is acceptable, and it could be the wrong person. You sought God about whether or not you can re-marry, and you got the same answer I did when I sought him for you, so I consider that a confirmation. Now, seek the Lord about finding the right partner for you. Don't get into too much of a hurry. Don't let fear drive you.
One last thing Dezi. I said that I almost wrote you the other day. In reality, I did write you, but didn't send it. I sought the Lord and asked him if I should send it. I wanted to make sure I wasn't letting emotions interfere with my judgment or compromising the truth to make you happy or selling out. I felt like because of my concerns, the Lord led me not to send that message, and to wait. Then you came in here a couple of days later and confirmed what I heard. I just want you to know that I am taking this whole thing very serious because I do care about you, and want you to be at peace, but I do not want you to have to be in bondage to having to remain single if God is not demanding that of you. If he was, then he would have something good for you as a single person. That may still be his will? Just because you can marry, doesn't mean that is God's will for you, but assuming that it is, and you did get peace about it. Make sure you get with the right person, for your sake, his sake, and the sake of both of your eternal souls.
Take care Dezi, and I hope what I have said has been of help to you in making your decision. Again, you are welcome here regardless. This was not an easy situation. As I have said before, it would be so much simpler if everyone knew God's Word before they made wrong choices. Once they are made, they can have lifelong and even eternal consequences. Still, we can't turn back time, so we must carry on where we are.
Thank you John for this comment... it does help me to have a confirmation. I truly do want to do what is right. I am about as picky as a cotton picker...lol I haven't found a man that I would marry up until now and may never yet. I will leave it in God's hands, and you are right that whoever we marry affects our entire life cause I've been there and done that already. I have been divorced 9 years even though I have had several men want to marry me. I am so glad I didn't because I was not turned on to God's word yet or the truth. I certainly would have married a man that doesn't know God's word or will. So, it will still be a journey but with much more clarity now. I have gotten together with people before out of fear and my ex husband was a product of fear so I am super cautious now not to act out of fear.... knowing that God will take care of me as He always has! I sure have made a mess out of my life in the past and I don't want to do that again. The Word of God is of upmost importance now! Love you brother and thank you!
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Post by 2fw8212a on Jan 1, 2020 12:09:54 GMT -5
...Please let me know where you all stand on this so I know if I should go or stay. Thank you! If God (really) says you can, then I cannot say otherwise.
“Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace...” - Romans 4:16
“Do you have faith?
Have it to yourself before God.
Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves.” - Romans 14:22
Blessings!
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777
Senior Member
Teacher
Posts: 1,189
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Post by 777 on Jan 13, 2020 9:43:41 GMT -5
I pretty much agree with what John said. I think he gave sound advise.
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Post by christdiedforoursins on Jan 21, 2020 9:52:02 GMT -5
Its a question I have had,,but I'm glad to remain single at this time ,,I was married to my first husband but the marriage was not registered( I don't know why I only know this last year ) a certificate exists and a prenuptial contract, he decieved me he was Jewish not Christian,,, I got im prisoned by my family soon after ,he left me to return to his country, I Came out of the prison ,and found a bible study group on the internet in another town that went wrong ,,,I was not brought home,,I was married twice to two husbands at the same time ,the second knew I was married but threatened me I signed the paper.the officer asked if anyone was holding a gun to my head ...I didn't say anything I needed to get home,the deal was I must sign then I can go home thinking my first marriage will cancel out the second if i was not divorced its how it works in my country,I was told then to get my stuff,,,I didn't have a option, but I refused to go to Canada he wanted to take me to Canada i said i would tell the security,I also told his pastor i hadent ben home who excommunicated him eventually,I got a email from my first husband he said my mother told him i had" flown the nest". he called(i used the mans phone ) me told me to lock myself in a room I did for two weeks then the man took me home ,,,I said I would scream to the neighbours.I tryed to take his car if only to the nearest petrol station to call for help(I don't know how to drive really ), I didn't have keys for the gate ,as I made a plan to get out I thought he went for a walk then he was lying on his truck outside..long story short ,,3years later the high court let the divorce go through a curator was sent to help me ,,,is my marriage that is not registered still legal?if I was having two husbands but was never divorced and cannot divorce the first ...can the certificate still be used in a Court ? If I ever did get married again ,,,if it was not registered ?,as I said I'm happy to remain single ,but I've wondered about my situation, my husband of the first can be violent ,,but I haven't heard from him in a year or more or see him for 7years,,,I can't undo anything but don't know how to move on either.its a thing that bothers me in the back of my mind.maybe someone has advice or suggestion or insight about my situation I'd really appreciate it.thank you
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Post by John on Jan 21, 2020 10:04:47 GMT -5
Its a question I have had,,but I'm glad to remain single at this time ,,I was married to my first husband but the marriage was not registered( I don't know why I only know this last year ) a certificate exists and a prenuptial contract, he decieved me he was Jewish not Christian,,, I got im prisoned by my family soon after ,he left me to return to his country, I Came out of the prison ,and found a bible study group on the internet in another town that went wrong ,,,I was not brought home,,I was married twice to two husbands at the same time ,the second knew I was married but threatened me I signed the paper.the officer asked if anyone was holding a gun to my head ...I didn't say anything I needed to get home,the deal was I must sign then I can go home thinking my first marriage will cancel out the second if i was not divorced its how it works in my country,I was told then to get my stuff,,,I didn't have a option, but I refused to go to Canada he wanted to take me to Canada i said i would tell the security,I also told his pastor i hadent ben home who excommunicated him eventually,I got a email from my first husband he said my mother told him i had" flown the nest". he called(i used the mans phone ) me told me to lock myself in a room I did for two weeks then the man took me home ,,,I said I would scream to the neighbours.I tryed to take his car if only to the nearest petrol station to call for help(I don't know how to drive really ), I didn't have keys for the gate ,as I made a plan to get out I thought he went for a walk then he was lying on his truck outside..long story short ,,3years later the high court let the divorce go through a curator was sent to help me ,,,is my marriage that is not registered still legal?if I was having two husbands but was never divorced and cannot divorce the first ...can the certificate still be used in a Court ? If I ever did get married again ,,,if it was not registered ?,as I said I'm happy to remain single ,but I've wondered about my situation, my husband of the first can be violent ,,but I haven't heard from him in a year or more or see him for 7years,,,I can't undo anything but don't know how to move on either.its a thing that bothers me in the back of my mind.maybe someone has advice or suggestion or insight about my situation I'd really appreciate it.thank you This is an unusual situation. A marriage doesn't have to be recognized by the laws of the land to be recognized by God. There are bigger questions to consider. Did your first husband cheat on you? Has he re-married? I am confused over the reason you got a divorce from your second husband? I would have to know more details to know if you are Biblically able to re-marry.
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Post by christdiedforoursins on Jan 21, 2020 10:51:51 GMT -5
Hi John sorry I just wrote to you the my Internet was down there is a storm here..sorry its not a very good way to Introduce myself ,thank you for your help ...my first husband has not cheated on me to my knowledge ,,I can't get hold of him he doesn't use the internet, and I was denied entry to Israel,,the second marriage I had no say really in the marriage or divorce I was quite upset about it all,the curator acted on my behalf I was not in court neither did I have a say ,,I was just told I was now divorced ,my legal status now in the population registry is divorced ,but there were witness's at the ceremony with the first husband but it seemed to be a Orthodox ceremony, I only saw their signatures but not them ..the marriage officer has given word of mouth testimony to it but that's all I have ...only similar situation I saw in the bible is Michel I do t know if he has remarried..he is hasidic last time I spoke to him he was living with two retired men ,,that's all I know ..he was a lawyer before he was religious I think criminal law or family law...he tried to convert me I think in a swimming pool before the marriage. I think he is a convert to judaisim and its difficult sometimes for converts to marry ,,and I think that's why he married me ..he was at the Christian soup kitchen that a where I met him.
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Post by John on Jan 21, 2020 11:08:25 GMT -5
Hi John sorry I just wrote to you the my Internet was down there is a storm here..sorry its not a very good way to Introduce myself ,thank you for your help ...my first husband has not cheated on me to my knowledge ,,I can't get hold of him he doesn't use the internet, and I was denied entry to Israel,,the second marriage I had no say really in the marriage or divorce I was quite upset about it all,the curator acted on my behalf I was not in court neither did I have a say ,,I was just told I was now divorced ,my legal status now in the population registry is divorced ,but there were witness's at the ceremony with the first husband but it seemed to be a Orthodox ceremony, I only saw their signatures but not them ..the marriage officer has given word of mouth testimony to it but that's all I have ...only similar situation I saw in the bible is Michel I do t know if he has remarried..he is hasidic last time I spoke to him he was living with two retired men ,,that's all I know .. Clearly, reconciliation is not possible. Based on what Jesus taught, it doesn't appear like you could re-marry Biblically. So long as you are happy being single, everything is fine, but if down the road, you are seriously wanting to be married again, you need to closely examine all the scriptures on this topic in light of your situation. The situation you described is not something I have come across in the past. Once a person has re-married, whether it was a Biblical marriage or not, they are forbidden to return to their first husband or wife, so that is not an option.
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Post by christdiedforoursins on Jan 21, 2020 11:16:58 GMT -5
This is what I was thinking as I read above you said it was an abomination to God.Thank you very much for your help ,,,I know I cannot go I to judaisim ,,I think I will remain single for now its better ,thank you you have put my mind at rest .thank you very much .I take marriage to be a very serious thing.I know the scriptures say to the married seek not to be loosed to the single seek not marriage but be content in what ever situation you find yourself ...thank you very much.
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Post by John on Jan 21, 2020 11:21:45 GMT -5
This is what I was thinking as I read above you said it was an abomination to God.Thank you very much for your help ,,,I know I cannot go I to judaisim ,,I think I will remain single for now its better ,thank you you have put my mind at rest .thank you very much .I take marriage to be a very serious thing.I know the scriptures say to the married seek not to be loosed to the single seek not marriage but be content in what ever situation you find yourself ...thank you very much. You are very welcome. Anytime you have a question on anything, feel free to ask. Under the law of Moses, in Deuteronomy 24, it mentions a situation where a person divorces and re-marries. It says in verses 3 and 4...
And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.
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