|
|
Post by Tabitha3319 on Mar 11, 2020 9:49:30 GMT -5
I could write a book on this topic. But I'll try to keep it brief.
My husband and I got a lot of negativity from others for getting married at 19(him) and barely 20(me).
Here are just a few reasons why people should stop squelching the desire for young people to get married and coach them instead.
1. Marriage is a biblical outlet for sexuality and a guard against sexual temptation and brokenness.
2. Character. Development.
3. Marriage is a protection against the natural foolishness of youth.
4. Marriage as God designed glorifies God and is an awesome display if the gospel, portraying a picture of Christ and His Church.
Common objections are
1. It's too hard.
It is extremely hard. So?
2. You should explore your relationship options
Too often this is just an excuse for sin. At worse people say you should "sow your wild oats". But this attitude is really the same thing.
3. You need to be educated.
I don't want to make this post too long.
4. You need to be financially established!
Build from scratch or build from a foundation. But you still have to build.
Now the fun part.
I think if the couple is 16 or older, marriage isn't out of the question. And that's only because children in modern society don't mature as fast as in the past.
My husband and I totally agree that we would coach any future children on what to do if they really want to get married young.
First, we'd tell them to get the other person's parents/guardians involved.
Our son would've been encouraged to ask the father or mother for permission before dating anyway.
Let's say we have a son who's 16. He's dated a young lady and is thinking about marriage.
We would coach him first of all on his preparedness. But he would've already heard this many times. He'd probably be a bit more prepared than most of his peers.
First, he needs to express his intentions towards the woman's father. If no father, than the mother. It needs to be a serious meeting. Almost like a job interview. Probably more serious than that.
Woman's Dad:
Why should I let you marry my daughter (Aren't you a little young?)
Nash Jr. : Thank you for having me over. First, I'd like you to know that I want to marry your daughter very soon or upon graduation from high school.
I love her and intend to lay down my life for her till death. I'm a man of God and follow the teachings of the Bible. Your daughter would be the only woman for me and I plan on financially providing for her.
The Dad: How would you provide for her?
Nash Jr. : I've thought of two options. On graduating from high school, some men from my church agreed to take me on as an apprentice as a brickmason. I would then make such and such salary, and plan to increase over time through experience.
The other option is joining the military for a three year contract, taking advantage of any opportunities to gain college credit for free.
The Dad: Not bad, but I still don't know about this. I think (objections galore)
Nash jr.: I understand. Thanks for listening. Let me know if you have more questions. If you'd like I have a few contacts who you can ask about my character, including my pastor/coach/volunteer coordinator/teacher.
I also have a few ideas for affordable housing while we establish ourselves. I'd like you to think it over. Hopefully we can talk again.
Dad: Sure. I'll let you know.
Boom! Now that's how it's done! If the parents still don't consent, then jr will have to wait until the woman is 18. But during that time, he can be planning, preparing, staying busy getting the best possible start.
If a young man approached us for our daughter, we'd probably ask questions like.
1. Do you walk with Jesus Christ?
2. Do you have a wise and Godly mentor or coach?
3. How will you provide financially?
4. Will you have children? How many?
5. What do your parents think about this?
6. What qualities do you like about our daughter?
7. What are your beliefs about your role in marriage?
The point is that I would never just automatically say no way. I would warn them about the difficulty. I wouldn't sugarcoat the tidal waves of opposition, temptations, and pain that may be involved.
But I believe it's a good desire. God loves marriage. It's most like His love for us. Marriage is also good for society as a whole.
|
|
|
|
Post by John on Mar 11, 2020 10:48:32 GMT -5
I have no issue with young people getting married. It is not like the Bible has a minimum age requirement. It may shock some to know this, but since 2000, there have been marriages involving many people under the age of 16 and a couple of girls got married at 10 years old. There are some states that have no minimum age requirement if the parents are okay with it. In the case of the girls who were 10 years old, the groom was in his 20s in both cases. I have wondered if those couples remained together, but I have not investigated that.
My feeling is that age is not as important as other factors. Has this couple seriously considered all of the obstacles in their path? Are they prepared to spend their entire life with this person, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, till death do they part? They cannot enter into this union with any thought that if things do not work out, they will split up down the road. It needs to be understood that this union is a lifetime commitment. They do need serious, Biblical, marriage counseling. They need to understand their Biblical role in the relationship. Certainly, they must both be Christians.
I agree with what you are saying Naomi, in that we should not be attacking marriage across the board for young people, just because they happen to be 18, 19, 20? I will be honest with you. I would have a hard time wrapping my mind around anyone getting married below the age of 13, and for guys, I would think they should be older than that, because unless they are born into a wealthy family, I do not know how they would be able to support a wife below the age of 18, and in most cases, it would be a struggle for them. Both individuals would need to understand they will have to learn to get by on a very tight budget in most cases if they marry very young. In some instances, a young girl would do well to consider marriage to an older guy who is financially able to support her.
There was this big issue over Roy Moore in that Alabama Senate race, where he was smeared, because as a guy in his late 20s, he was dating High School girls, looking for a wife. He had been in the military, and when he got out, he was looking for a wife, and as a Christian, wanted to find someone who was still pure, which is hard to find today. That was his thinking in dating young girls. I see no issue with that. He was able to provide for a wife, and his intentions were right. He is married today to a woman younger than him, but it is a real marriage, and they have remained together. There was a real Hollywood marriage involving an actor that was in his 70s, and his wife was in her 20s. There is absolutely nothing in the Bible forbidding this, and they were both happily married up until the day he died. So when it comes to age, I do not see that as the all important issue. There are many other things that to me should be considered above that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tabitha3319 on Mar 11, 2020 10:59:37 GMT -5
I have no issue with young people getting married. It is not like the Bible has a minimum age requirement. It may shock some to know this, but since 2000, there have been marriages involving many people under the age of 16 and a couple of girls got married at 10 years old. There are some states that have no minimum age requirement if the parents are okay with it. In the case of the girls who were 10 years old, the groom was in his 20s in both cases. I have wondered if those couples remained together, but I have not investigated that.
My feeling is that age is not as important as other factors. Has this couple seriously considered all of the obstacles in their path? Are they prepared to spend their entire life with this person, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, till death do they part? They cannot enter into this union with any thought that if things do not work out, they will split up down the road. It needs to be understood that this union is a lifetime commitment. They do need serious, Biblical, marriage counseling. They need to understand their Biblical role in the relationship. Certainly, they must both be Christians.
I agree with what you are saying Naomi, in that we should not be attacking marriage across the board for young people, just because they happen to be 18, 19, 20? I will be honest with you. I would have a hard time wrapping my mind around anyone getting married below the age of 13, and for guys, I would think they should be older than that, because unless they are born into a wealthy family, I do not know how they would be able to support a wife below the age of 18, and in most cases, it would be a struggle for them. Both individuals would need to understand they will have to learn to get by on a very tight budget in most cases if they marry very young. In some instances, a young girl would do well to consider marriage to an older guy who is financially able to support her.
There was this big issue over Roy Moore in that Alabama Senate race, where he was smeared, because as a guy in his late 20s, he was dating High School girls, looking for a wife. He had been in the military, and when he got out, he was looking for a wife, and as a Christian, wanted to find someone who was still pure, which is hard to find today. That was his thinking in dating young girls. I see no issue with that. He was able to provide for a wife, and his intentions were right. He is married today to a woman younger than him, but it is a real marriage, and they have remained together. There was a real Hollywood marriage involving an actor that was in his 70s, and his wife was in her 20s. There is absolutely nothing in the Bible forbidding this, and they were both happily married up until the day he died. So when it comes to age, I do not see that as the all important issue. There are many other things that to me should be considered above that.
My generation is the strange one. Historically, young matches have been the norm. There was no concern from people that the marriage wouldn't work out just because they started young. As for below 16, my only issue would be, like you mention, finances, and the fact that most young people don't mature as fast in modern society. At age 8 or 9 , my grandmother knew how to clean and run a house. It's just different nowadays. Still, if given the right training, someone could mature faster. I know I wouldn't have been ready at 14 or 16. I knew the basics, but lacked maturity to act on what I knew. I was still battling worldly influences from my parents and family. If I'd have had the right coaching, I don't know. My husband would've been happy to have dated me and married me from high school. He often states he wishes he had met me sooner. |
|
|
|
Post by Tabitha3319 on Mar 11, 2020 11:11:30 GMT -5
I forgot a big one.
It's easier to save yourself for marriage if you go ahead and get married.
I salute brothers and sisters who wait until their 30's and beyond. But I can't imagine that being easy.
And many people fail
|
|
|
|
Post by John on Mar 11, 2020 11:12:56 GMT -5
When I got married, I was 20 years old, and I have been married 34 years. Age is not a big deal to me, but when the couple is young, there will probably be financial struggles in the early years, and they will have to learn to live on a tight budget and do without at times. As long as everything is fully understood up front, I do not see age as the primary factor.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tabitha3319 on Mar 11, 2020 11:55:42 GMT -5
While I'm on the topic of marriage. I just want to say.
It's not really necessary to have a big wedding.
I can't stress this enough. I wanted a traditional church wedding with some frills to prove to my family that we were a real couple.
Not only did it not really change their opinion that we were too young, it was very stressful and caused tension all around.
It was one day. It was lovely and I'm grateful. But my husband would've spent that money on a great honeymoon. And I could have saved myself a lot of stress.
You don't need a big wedding! Save your money. You could travel, put it towards a house, etc
Some women have two year engagements because they want a big wedding. If their fornicating, their okay with it cause it's all about the fancy wedding day and the expensive top dollar wedding gown.
If I could do it over, I would go straight to the courthouse, take photos, invite a small group out to dinner, and that's it!
My dress wasn't too bad. $300. It was lovely. But the flowers and the giant cake, renting the church, the reception area, everything else? It adds up. Not sure how hubby did it, honestly.
If you just have money to throw away, put on a big wedding. But young couples? It's just not worth it.
|
|
|
|
Post by John on Mar 11, 2020 15:57:50 GMT -5
To me, big wedding or small wedding, wedding among family or elopement is up to the couple. Whatever works best for them to me is fine.
|
|
|
|
Post by Apostle's Instructions on Mar 13, 2020 6:26:57 GMT -5
NOW the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth. For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving: For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
Apostle Paul,
1 Timothy 4:1-5
|
|
|
|
Post by Apostle's Instructions on Mar 13, 2020 6:28:44 GMT -5
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Apostle Paul,
Hebrews 13:4
|
|
|
|
Post by Jesus Christ teachings on Mar 13, 2020 6:33:04 GMT -5
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:6-9
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2020 6:23:59 GMT -5
I could write a book on this topic. But I'll try to keep it brief. My husband and I got a lot of negativity from others for getting married at 19(him) and barely 20(me). Here are just a few reasons why people should stop squelching the desire for young people to get married and coach them instead. 1. Marriage is a biblical outlet for sexuality and a guard against sexual temptation and brokenness. 2. Character. Development. 3. Marriage is a protection against the natural foolishness of youth. 4. Marriage as God designed glorifies God and is an awesome display if the gospel, portraying a picture of Christ and His Church. Common objections are 1. It's too hard. It is extremely hard. So? 2. You should explore your relationship options Too often this is just an excuse for sin. At worse people say you should "sow your wild oats". But this attitude is really the same thing. 3. You need to be educated. I don't want to make this post too long. 4. You need to be financially established! Build from scratch or build from a foundation. But you still have to build. Now the fun part. I think if the couple is 16 or older, marriage isn't out of the question. And that's only because children in modern society don't mature as fast as in the past. My husband and I totally agree that we would coach any future children on what to do if they really want to get married young. First, we'd tell them to get the other person's parents/guardians involved. Our son would've been encouraged to ask the father or mother for permission before dating anyway. Let's say we have a son who's 16. He's dated a young lady and is thinking about marriage. We would coach him first of all on his preparedness. But he would've already heard this many times. He'd probably be a bit more prepared than most of his peers. First, he needs to express his intentions towards the woman's father. If no father, than the mother. It needs to be a serious meeting. Almost like a job interview. Probably more serious than that. Woman's Dad: Why should I let you marry my daughter (Aren't you a little young?) Nash Jr. : Thank you for having me over. First, I'd like you to know that I want to marry your daughter very soon or upon graduation from high school. I love her and intend to lay down my life for her till death. I'm a man of God and follow the teachings of the Bible. Your daughter would be the only woman for me and I plan on financially providing for her. The Dad: How would you provide for her? Nash Jr. : I've thought of two options. On graduating from high school, some men from my church agreed to take me on as an apprentice as a brickmason. I would then make such and such salary, and plan to increase over time through experience. The other option is joining the military for a three year contract, taking advantage of any opportunities to gain college credit for free. The Dad: Not bad, but I still don't know about this. I think (objections galore) Nash jr.: I understand. Thanks for listening. Let me know if you have more questions. If you'd like I have a few contacts who you can ask about my character, including my pastor/coach/volunteer coordinator/teacher. I also have a few ideas for affordable housing while we establish ourselves. I'd like you to think it over. Hopefully we can talk again. Dad: Sure. I'll let you know. Boom! Now that's how it's done! If the parents still don't consent, then jr will have to wait until the woman is 18. But during that time, he can be planning, preparing, staying busy getting the best possible start. If a young man approached us for our daughter, we'd probably ask questions like. 1. Do you walk with Jesus Christ? 2. Do you have a wise and Godly mentor or coach? 3. How will you provide financially? 4. Will you have children? How many? 5. What do your parents think about this? 6. What qualities do you like about our daughter? 7. What are your beliefs about your role in marriage? The point is that I would never just automatically say no way. I would warn them about the difficulty. I wouldn't sugarcoat the tidal waves of opposition, temptations, and pain that may be involved. But I believe it's a good desire. God loves marriage. It's most like His love for us. Marriage is also good for society as a whole. There is wisdom in what you are saying, sister, and I assume we are talking about young believers with believing parents. Young people don't usually want to marry until they are ready to marry. And when they are ready to marry, they will naturally want to. As long as there are no objections by the parents to the character of either party, and the Lord is prayerfully being sought in this, then let them marry. Keeping in mind that we just aren't likely to see ideal situations very often in this life though, especially in a time of apostasy. |
|
|
|
Post by John on Mar 14, 2020 11:03:07 GMT -5
I do want to bring up another thing that I believe could be helpful in helping people remain pure till marriage, and that is having a chaperone on dates. This used to be common practice, but the idea has become antiquated. Too much physical contact during dating is also a reason why so much fornication takes place. As hard as it may be to believe, there are some that have their first real kiss after taking marriage vows. That is also a good practice.
|
|
|
|
Post by John on Mar 14, 2020 11:22:56 GMT -5
To the issue of minors getting married legally in the United States, from what I read online, there were 207,468 such marriages between 2000 and 2015. The youngest girls were 10 years old. Both of those marriages took place in Tennessee, and the grooms were in their 20s. The youngest boy to marry was 11, and he married a woman aged 27. Of course, those are the most extreme cases. When we speak of minors, we generally think of those under 16 or 18, whatever the legal age of consent is in your state. It is 16 in the state where I live. I would love to know the statistics about how many of these marriages continue till death do they part. The most extreme situation I saw involved a girl under 16 married to a man in his 70s.
I am mentioning these things simply to share facts. I am not saying I think that a 10 year old should marry. If we are only speaking of personal opinions, each person is different. If we are speaking of what we would do, that differs from person to person too. The Bible has no minimum age mentioned, and each state is different in what is allowed. Laws and standards are created by law makers. What I am curious about is among those 207,468, how many remained married 20, 30, 40 years later? Were they serious marriages? I think that is a study that should be conducted, if it has not been already. Then again, I want to make divorce nearly impossible to obtain. If we made it almost impossible to get a divorce, people would think twice about marrying to get around age of consent laws, because they would know they were married to that person for the rest of their life.
|
|
|
|
Post by Tabitha3319 on Mar 14, 2020 12:13:06 GMT -5
My interview would be quite simple . if my son or daughter are to get married it would be this simple . Go to the potential spouses parents and ask them . For my son it would be , does your daughter love the Lord with all her heart mind and soul . For my daughter it would be , does your son love the Lord with all his heart mind and soul . I would then request a short time to examine them . For i could care less if my daughter or son , marries a chinese , black , hispanic , vietviense , or any other race . WHAT MATTERS is are they marrying A TRUE BELIEVER . SEE HOW SIMPLE that is . Those would be my requirements . And if the other does not beleive , I WOULD NOT BLESS that marriage . But if they do , then as i said , i could care less what race they marry . SO LONG as the other IS IN OUR LORD . A BELIEVER . THAT is my one and only requirement for my approval on marriage . If they are true believers, and you've examined them, then the rest should follow. I would want my children to marry in the Lord. But I won't assume their parents are believers. |
|
|
|
Post by frienduff on Mar 14, 2020 12:15:45 GMT -5
My interview would be quite simple . if my son or daughter are to get married it would be this simple . Go to the potential spouses parents and ask them . For my son it would be , does your daughter love the Lord with all her heart mind and soul . For my daughter it would be , does your son love the Lord with all his heart mind and soul . I would then request a short time to examine them . For i could care less if my daughter or son , marries a chinese , black , hispanic , vietviense , or any other race . WHAT MATTERS is are they marrying A TRUE BELIEVER . SEE HOW SIMPLE that is . Those would be my requirements . And if the other does not beleive , I WOULD NOT BLESS that marriage . But if they do , then as i said , i could care less what race they marry . SO LONG as the other IS IN OUR LORD . A BELIEVER . THAT is my one and only requirement for my approval on marriage . If they are true believers, and you've examined them, then the rest should follow. I would want my children to marry in the Lord. But I won't assume their parents are believers. correct . their parents might very well be unbelievers . but so long as the child or young adult IS a true beleiver , that is what matters . You are right dear sister . I was just speaking in general as though both the other parents might have also been beleivers and could help in the assesment . but yeah , YOU SPOT ON RIGHT Sister . And guess what else , ITS TIME TO PRAISE THE LORD . OH YES , what a JOY IT IS . |
|
Let's read our bibles daily my friends