Let start by saying. Thank you for trying to help us all see both sides. It's sad to me who we can't find the simple truth but it's ok because if we have love, we can try to understand both sides and see that the real roots are.
What do I believe? I have had a long struggle with my salvation because of my sexual sins. Every times I sinned by watching porn, masturbating, or committing other gross acts, I "knew" I was going to hell. I knew it.
When Jesus also quoted verses like Matthew 5:27-30, it was clear to me, that if I did lust in my heart (adultery), I would be sent to hell (my whole body). I also knew that, I am not saved by works, there is no amount of praying for me to rely on, no amount of "my fruits" to rely on....< nothing I said "To rely on"
that is the whole point I think.
If I look to myself, and I think others will also say the same, I can have no assurance, because I will never match up to Jesus, and it was never intended to, even God said "Be ye perfect", that is what I aim to be, but I never get there, does that mean, "Oh, well, I can have my times of relapse into porn and masturbate?? NOOOOOOOO!!! It says in Romans 6, should we continue on sinning that grace may abound? God forbid. Right?
So there is a kind of "cheap grace" I don't know what to call it, but I used to believe in this "cheap grace" by this and this is what I mean. I'll play on scencario
child, found porn, masturbated, lied to all mom, dad, all Christians about it, living in fear of God, fear of hell, fear of others, fear of Satan, just going back to my addiction, over and over and over and over x 1000's, worshipping the female body and my body parts, .......
Now, some will say "You once believed" and I would say "did I, because doesn't it mean, that if I trust in Jesus Christ, that He died for my sins, and rose again, why do I still fall into this lust?
I had to admit that "I am enslaved to lust" as it was my master. I treated it like a fake god, something to despise and learn how to despite it through reading the Bible and seeing the hurt this caused my wife, which is a glipse of the hurt causing my God, the One I say I believe in.
for years, I was addicted to all kinds of sexual immorality and to some cases, still fall into lustful ways by getting some arousals by thoughts and that is not even looking at porn....
I still question if I am saved which is why I hate flying airplanes, hate getting sick, where is this fear coming from?
this verse rocks me still
I have pictured myself there, saying Lord, didn't I go to church, evangelize to the lost, didn't I believe in You and why are you sending me to hell?
I still think God will send me to hell, sometimes, even today, and I think this way, because of my lust, because I can't even live one day without seeing any women that I'm not attracked to and having even a split second fantasy about something s-xual. That is what I see in me. But if God sees me as "confessing and forsaking my sins" and "believing" even when I don't, then it's me who is still living in confusion and God really knows.... or, if I am not saved yet, haven't truly repented and believed yet, and still "trying to be saved by my own efforts" or "come to the true faith"..I have no idea seriously.
I can tell you that I am not watching porn, not masturbating, so it seems like I have been successfully obeying the command of 'thou shalt not commit adultery" according to Jesus, and you might be saying "well done brother" but I don't think so, because I know my sick inner motives, for example, why do I smile at women more then a man? it's there some dark malicious way in me that wants to "know her (s-x?) .that answer is "YES" and I am a pervert still. So I continue in my doubt, despite I pray for others and despite I still have a home bible study. I am trying but this "trying and effort" is not saving me, or even prooving it, due to the fact of how I interpret Matthew 7:21-23 because "many" will say and did some "wonderful works" (preach, bible study) but still not make it into the eternal life, THAT makes me scared. Scared to be burning in hell, like the man in Luke 16 forever and ever, wishing, how "I didn't make it, my wife and other did but I didn't" and I would wail, gnash my teeth and see worms in me, dying not. I would be there with others, hearing their torture and screams and never never never forever be out of there. No hope.
I did run to, am running to, and plan to run to Jesus, as best as I can. I do cry over my sins, I do feel sorry to my God for doing this, how I loved my false god over the real God, ....how I have loved my body and strangers' bodies more than God, I equate all sexual sins, according to Romans 1, to idolatry and adultery, but now, having these right doctrines, I can still be lost, because the devil know doctrines and is still not even saved.
I fear me become some self-righteous or hoping in my self-righteous efforts or my christianity.
I fear some out there who are like that, "proudly thinking, I'm grateful God, that I'm not like brother dominic or sister dominicque who is so lost in porn, poor soul" < like that, because Jesus condemned that self-righteous Pharisee for that kind of prayers.
I am fearful of false brothers and false sisters around me for "leading some into prayer circles for only committing adultery" I have seen this happen once. I have also heard and seen Pastors who commit adultery who need to be removed from their pulpit and ministry, but who else can do it, surely not them, a brother living in sins, that is insanity.
I hate the doctrines that says "You can keep on sinning and still be a Christians" because that contradicts Jude, about who others turn the grace of God into lasciviousness (sexual immorality). Many times Jesus rebuked the churches in Revelations 2-3 about their "sexual sins"..even that was 2,000 years ago. Why do I stress the 'sexual sins" because there is so much lust around us, it's insane.
I don't know if I will make it to heaven, but I'm not gonna let lust take over me, and make me fall back into slavery again, despite my body and flesh being enslaved to the sinful nature.
I have heard the OSAS arguments and also other ones against it.
It seem they are contradicting but I think there is a paradox of sorts. For example,
In Jesus' own words, He says "I never knew you" so if Jesus did tell that to me, on that day, then it means, that Jesus/God did not ever know me, and never saved me." that is how I interpret it.
On the other hand, Jesus also said in John 15 to abide and remain in me, and that is not "works" because Jesus is not saying "works" but saying "Stay with me" a command that we are to follow for our benefit, and who will honestly say "God, I'm a good boy" honestly? no one. But if we pray "God, I'm trying, I'm seeking" in a humble fashion, God knows, and that is not works eithers.
Nothing I do can save me, only Jesus died for our sins, my sins, your sins, was buried and raised again - the gospel. If we really know this, really believe this, it would change us, and that new life is only because God's Holy Spirit filing us, leading us (not our efforts), ...
Now someone might say "well, God is not "forcing you" to be filled and following HIm, so you are doing something right? I would say "mmmmm, I responded" and they might say "see, you responded" and I would say "yes" and they might say "well, then it's YOU and Your works" and I would say "nope" and they would say "why not?" and I would say "because God calls me even before this and God is the seeker of sinners and looking for lost sheep", and they might say "well the Bible says "seek and you will find, and knock and it will be opened" and I would say "Yes, it's true" and they would say "well, then didn't you seek and find" and I would say "I want to and I do" and if they say "well that is works" and I would say "no, it's not, I have breathe and life and it's from God"
there is one side focusing on my part and what I'm saying is from God's part. both are true but the credit is God's and glory to God's, not in my breathing, my heart beats, my supposed obedience.
I think when we focus on only one side, there is errror.
Jesus said both "No one can come to me unless the Father draws them to me" and yet "knock and the door will be open".
We can't see God calling.
I can't tell if I'm knocking truly either.
Im just a simple dumb child, who is trying to understand God and read the Bible, and someone once told me, if our theology is not making us like Christ, and holy and humble, then perhaps there is something wrong with us, but we don't want to hear that because we know our theology is right.
I'm not a calvinist, I don't believe in osas, I just read the Bible and where it seems to contradict (matthew 7:21-23) and (John 15), I let it be, and take both.
I know that Satan does try to break up our church and fellowship, some say they follow Paul or Apollos and it also leads to arguments. It's good to discuss but not in like a hatred or "I'm better than you" or "let me help you lost one, while I got it right", I don't trust in my theology either, I trust only in Jesus because I don't in what else and who else to trust and sometimes even our theology changes, In the past, I used to be Christian-non-denomiational, then I guess I was strongly holding on "Lordship Salvation" and "Calvinistic doctrines" without even realizing it, but latter changed to just read and folllow the Bible and check, very close what pastors and teachers are saying, knowing also that I might even be deceived somewhere because if I am not walking in holiness, in truth, then it doesn't matter what I say, even it's right, if I live contrary, it just makes me look like a hypocrite and the world sees that and also blasphemes God because of me. That is how I see really all Christian debates and arguments.
I know Satan will try to make "God's grace sound cheap" like just ask for forgives because it is written "if you will confess your sins God will forgive you" but it also says (I think/say) that "if your right eyes causes you to sin, cut it off, and throw it away, for it would be better for you to lose one part of your body, then for your whole body to be thrown into hell"
When I pick and choose a verse, and still sin, (1st John 1:9), then I have chosen the wrong verse, I was deceived by Satan who misused it. But if I pick the right verse and was able to overcome this sin (thou shalt not commit adultery) when I have seen what the Bible means because now my actions are in line with God's holiness, and I have to admit it was God helping me, reminding me, and fighting for me. This is how I think and not only for aldultery, for trying to practice that in all other areas too, my fear, my anger. What is I beat lust today but was a raging maniac...it' doesn't matter.
This message is not address to anyone specific
This message is just my own thoughts and opinions on how I relate to God and God's Word and what I think it means to be a Christian. You are free to disagree with me and have your own beliefs.
If we are trying to "not look right" and "love God and others" genuinely, I think it will be clearly seen. If I have answered well, it's not because I'm so smart, but I'm really dumb and need to go back to basics like what does it mean to me today to belief in Jesus, because if I can't even get that right, then the other teachings are much harder to understand.
I also didn't go to bible schools or anything. I understand there are denominations, calvinists, etc, and there are some who have other doctrines. I'm not a mormon, or jehovah's witness as I think they are both cults and damnable heresies.