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Post by John on May 17, 2020 19:17:23 GMT -5
It seems that an old church downtown had been seeing it's membership fall away. What used to be a thriving church, where many souls were saved was dying, and nobody knew what to do. One man stepped up and suggested they have a revival. He recalled that in times past, that led to souls being saved, and new members coming in. Everyone agreed, but who would they get? A committee was set up, and they went about trying to find the perfect man to bring the needed refreshing. They asked for a transcript from messages that these men preached, so they could look them over and make the right choice.
Finally, after searching diligently, they met a month later prepared to share what they had found. In each case, the men represented were highly respected and knowledgeable, so who would it be. They brought out some samples of their messages and began to make their case. The first candidate's name was Paul, a man who was by no means a novice. He had degrees in the law, and had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. He had risked his life traveling around preaching the gospel. They were excited to hear some of what this man had preached. First would come a sample of something he said to the church at Rome.
"For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient."
"Enough", the Pastor shouted! "That man is clearly a homophobe, a bigot and a hater. How dare you suggest such a vile man to come preach a revival here?" Wanting to give him another chance, his sponsor asked if he might give another sample of his messages. "Alright", the Pastor said, "I will give him one more chance."
"Perhaps this excerpt from a message to the church at Corinth will be more to your liking?" "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicator, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."
"Surely we do not need to hear anymore," said the Pastor. "More homophobia. He not only comes against homosexuals, but those who are effeminate. The whole LGBQ community would be offended by that bigot, not to mention he is a legalist and a things preacher. Who can hear it? Lets move on. Who is the next candidate?"
That is part one of our story. It seems like they really bombed out with that first speaker, but maybe they will find someone better next time? Stay tuned and find out.
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Post by frienduff on May 17, 2020 19:37:09 GMT -5
It seems that an old church downtown had been seeing it's membership fall away. What used to be a thriving church, where many souls were saved was dying, and nobody knew what to do. One man stepped up and suggested they have a revival. He recalled that in times past, that led to souls being saved, and new members coming in. Everyone agreed, but who would they get? A committee was set up, and they went about trying to find the perfect man to bring the needed refreshing. They asked for a transcript from messages that these men preached, so they could look them over and make the right choice.
Finally, after searching diligently, they met a month later prepared to share what they had found. In each case, the men represented were highly respected and knowledgeable, so who would it be. They brought out some samples of their messages and began to make their case. The first candidate's name was Paul, a man who was by no means a novice. He had degrees in the law, and had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. He had risked his life traveling around preaching the gospel. They were excited to hear some of what this man had preached. First would come a sample of something he said to the church at Rome.
"For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient."
"Enough", the Pastor shouted! "That man is clearly a homophobe, a bigot and a hater. How dare you suggest such a vile man to come preach a revival here?" Wanting to give him another chance, his sponsor asked if he might give another sample of his messages. "Alright", the Pastor said, "I will give him one more chance."
"Perhaps this excerpt from a message to the church at Corinth will be more to your liking?" "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicator, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."
"Surely we do not need to hear anymore," said the Pastor. "More homophobia. He not only comes against homosexuals, but those who are effeminate. The whole LGBQ community would be offended by that bigot, not to mention he is a legalist and a things preacher. Who can hear it? Lets move on. Who is the next candidate?"
That is part one of our story. It seems like they really bombed out with that first speaker, but maybe they will find someone better next time? Stay tuned and find out.
Exactly the problem man . I got an idea . KICK the pastor out , HE DONT KNOW GOD . NOT one bit . There is no way they would heed a message from me or any of us . WE would be seen as monsters . John . Did you know that if JESUS HIMSELF showed up to most churches , and began teaching , THEY WOULD KICK HIM OUT for being legalistic , a hater , and would tell HIM , YES HIM , that He needs JESUS cause he dont know love . AND THAT IS A FACT . they would boot every apostel out too as haters and they would tell john , HEY you need to read JOHN you dont know LOVE . i kid not . its all backwards now .
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Post by John on May 17, 2020 19:40:02 GMT -5
In part one, we saw that they had one candidate to preach revival that was completely deplorable. He was homophobic, legalistic, someone who preached on things! That is not even counting the fact that he was warning that people would not inherit the Kingdom of God if they sin. You reach more people with positive messages than that kind of thing. Did not anyone teach him better? Lets join the church meeting again to see if the next candidate was any more acceptable in the sight of the Pastor.
"Reverend, the next man comes highly recommended. His name is James." "Go ahead," said the Pastor. "Lets hear a bit of one of his messages."
"From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lists. Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God."
"Hold it! Does he really believe that he will draw a crowd with that kind of message? I mean, I was kind of getting into it when he said we have not because we ask not, but then he ruined it by saying we receive not because we ask amiss. We just name it and claim it. Doesn't he understand anything? Do you have anything more from this fellow?" "Yes Reverend, I do. Let me try this."
"What doeth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone."
"That is enough! The guy is preaching a works based salvation," the Pastor said. "He is fallen from grace. That guy is preaching another gospel and is accursed. We need not waste anymore time with this heretic. Who is next?"
Sadly, they are still having trouble finding the right evangelist to preach their revival meeting. At least they can eliminate 2. That is a no to Paul and James. Who is next? Find out in the next exciting installment of "Revival Committee."
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Post by John on May 17, 2020 20:08:32 GMT -5
When we last left the church meeting, they had eliminated two bad candidates to preach a revival: Paul and James. Up next, it would be another man that came highly recommended by the name of Peter. They were anxious to hear some of his messages. After all, it was getting late, and they were beginning to get hungry.
"LIKEWISE, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement."
"You have got to be kidding? The guy is a sexist bigot! He actually is telling wives to obey their husbands, even if the husbands are not obeying the word? That is so backward! He needs to get with the times. If he comes in here preaching that kind of stuff, we will lose all the women," said the Pastor. "Could I please read something else from him? Maybe we could tell him the topic of wives obeying their husbands is off limits and he can focus on something else?," said the Deacon. "Alright, but please lets keep this moving. All the good restaurants will soon be closing," said the Pastor.
"For if after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, they are again entangled therein, and overcome, the latter end is worse with them than the beginning. For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire."
"It just gets worse and worse," said the Pastor. Doesn't this Peter fellow know that the latter end cannot be worse for him if he became a Christian, because he is eternally secure? He can never fall away. He clearly has no understanding of grace, the blood, the eternal covenant. The guy is a false teacher. And that comment about a dog returning to his own vomit! I am so glad I didn't just eat. He is so uncouth. I suggest we dismiss this meeting for the night, head to the steak house, and try again next week. What do you say?" "I agree. We are getting nowhere tonight, but at least we can cross another heretic off of our list. Peter is out!"
It is so hard to find good preachers. Next time, maybe when their minds are off their stomachs, they will find the right man to preach that soul saving meeting. Be sure to come back for the 4th installement of "Revival Committee."
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Cletus
Senior Member
Posts: 2,517
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Post by Cletus on May 17, 2020 22:21:28 GMT -5
lololololz.
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Post by frienduff on May 17, 2020 22:50:23 GMT -5
Stayed tuned for the last day and final judgment . where men like that will be told DEPART from me i NEVER KNEW YOU . heres one . So the pastor says look we found another candidate . Maybe this guy can preach at our church and revive us back up . Okay says the comittee , lets hear something from this man .
IF any man be a hears my sayings and DOES them NOT , He is like a man that had NO FOUNDATION , built his house on sand and the storms came and great was the fall of it . OH dear says the comitte , NO WAY , that man NEEDS JESUS , HE is a leglistic man , preaching works earn salvation .
HMM , said the lil mouse sitting in the corner , GUESS those men dont read the bible . JESUS HIMSELF said that one . EVEN THE ANIMALS KNOW HE IS KING .
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Post by Tabitha3319 on May 18, 2020 14:14:08 GMT -5
It seems that an old church downtown had been seeing it's membership fall away. What used to be a thriving church, where many souls were saved was dying, and nobody knew what to do. One man stepped up and suggested they have a revival. He recalled that in times past, that led to souls being saved, and new members coming in. Everyone agreed, but who would they get? A committee was set up, and they went about trying to find the perfect man to bring the needed refreshing. They asked for a transcript from messages that these men preached, so they could look them over and make the right choice.
Finally, after searching diligently, they met a month later prepared to share what they had found. In each case, the men represented were highly respected and knowledgeable, so who would it be. They brought out some samples of their messages and began to make their case. The first candidate's name was Paul, a man who was by no means a novice. He had degrees in the law, and had a personal encounter with Jesus Christ. He had risked his life traveling around preaching the gospel. They were excited to hear some of what this man had preached. First would come a sample of something he said to the church at Rome.
"For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient."
"Enough", the Pastor shouted! "That man is clearly a homophobe, a bigot and a hater. How dare you suggest such a vile man to come preach a revival here?" Wanting to give him another chance, his sponsor asked if he might give another sample of his messages. "Alright", the Pastor said, "I will give him one more chance."
"Perhaps this excerpt from a message to the church at Corinth will be more to your liking?" "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicator, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God."
"Surely we do not need to hear anymore," said the Pastor. "More homophobia. He not only comes against homosexuals, but those who are effeminate. The whole LGBQ community would be offended by that bigot, not to mention he is a legalist and a things preacher. Who can hear it? Lets move on. Who is the next candidate?"
That is part one of our story. It seems like they really bombed out with that first speaker, but maybe they will find someone better next time? Stay tuned and find out.
What?! Lol
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Post by Tabitha3319 on May 18, 2020 14:14:52 GMT -5
Who brought Kool aid to the revival committee???
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Post by John on May 18, 2020 17:32:35 GMT -5
Who brought Kool aid to the revival committee??? Hello Tabitha. It is good to see you back.
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Post by Tabitha3319 on May 18, 2020 18:15:03 GMT -5
Who brought Kool aid to the revival committee??? Hello Tabitha. It is good to see you back.
Thank you! Glad to see not much has changed in my absence.
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777
Senior Member
Teacher
Posts: 1,189
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Post by 777 on May 19, 2020 7:47:24 GMT -5
LOL John. The people in that church remind me of a lot of professing Christians I've met. I can't wait to hear what happens next, and if the find an evangelist the approve of.
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