Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
|
Post by Dezi on May 17, 2019 19:11:10 GMT -5
Dezi the only advice I have for you is this. If you are not 100% sure on what God wills for you in this area, you need to wait. You can get opinions and interpretations from a dozen people, and they may not be enough to settle your conscience. If there’s any part of you that’s afraid this might be a sin, you need to wait. And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin. — Romans 14:23 It’s far too easy for you to enter this marriage with doubt, then when things get rough you figure you’re being punished for sin and you start to regret the marriage. Don’t “eat” beyond your faith. Also, sister, you’re still healing. You’re a work in progress. Your doctrinal understanding will likely change about a LOT of important things other than marriage. I have never doubted this before until being in this group. I felt like I was forgiven of my sins of marriage and divorce and was starting fresh in a relationship with God. I didn't know much about The Word of God until the last year. I still don't know what to think of all this. My marriage was in my former life.
|
|
Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
|
Post by Dezi on May 17, 2019 19:13:30 GMT -5
I just want to make sure I am understanding you correctly... since my ex husband was married before me then I was committing adultery the whole time I was married to him? I have never truly been married? Dezi, were you aware that he had cheated on his previous wife when you married him?
I respectfully disagree with John regarding the cheating person's right to remarry. If that's the case, all someone has to do is go out and cheat.... then they can ask forgiveness and remarry someone else. I don't think that's a solution to the problem of infidelity at all. It gives a license to end a marriage by fornicating and then remarry someone else. In that case, what's the point in remaining faithful to one's spouse at all? You can just cheat (fornicate) and then divorce ... and remarry ... on a whim.
Yes I knew but I thought God had forgiven him and I did too. I didn't know what I know now. I was 20 when we got together and I didn't know anything about divorce.
|
|
|
Post by John on May 17, 2019 19:29:24 GMT -5
Dezi, were you aware that he had cheated on his previous wife when you married him?
I respectfully disagree with John regarding the cheating person's right to remarry. If that's the case, all someone has to do is go out and cheat.... then they can ask forgiveness and remarry someone else. I don't think that's a solution to the problem of infidelity at all. It gives a license to end a marriage by fornicating and then remarry someone else. In that case, what's the point in remaining faithful to one's spouse at all? You can just cheat (fornicate) and then divorce ... and remarry ... on a whim.
Yes I knew but I thought God had forgiven him and I did too. I didn't know what I know now. I was 20 when we got together and I didn't know anything about divorce. That is a difficult situation, and I understand where you are coming from. I also understand about the new life. I understand that you are saying you were not a Christian for a time, but here we have another interesting situation. If you had been an unbeliever, never saved, when you were in that marriage, and you got saved after the divorce and he was re-married, that is different than entering the marriage saved, backsliding and losing salvation, and then getting saved again. That could happen multiple times in a lifetime if someone was unstable. You could repeat the same thing all over again in a second marriage and then feel like you were starting over when you got saved for the third time.
I think Candance gave you great advise. Look at all the scriptures on the topic of divorce and re-marriage in the Bible. Study them carefully. Pray about it, and ask God to show you how he feels about you getting married again. Don't go by YouTube videos or even the multitude of opinions you are going to get from different Christians. Make sure you know God is okay with it before you get re-married so you won't have to live with feelings of guilt. If you feel like God is saying no, then don't re-marry. You need to be concerned about you and the man you want to marry and if this will harm your relationship with God. That is what matters most. I do believe if you seek God diligently about this, he will give you peace one way or the other. Preachers shy away from so many topics in the Bible, and the congregation really has no idea about what is right and wrong because few are taught they need to read their Bible. They are just to follow the Pastor blindly.
I really feel for you, because I know you really didn't know you were doing anything wrong. I met a woman who told me that as a sinner, she didn't even know what adultery was. It was just running around, and nobody thought it was any big deal in her circles. As hard as that is for some to understand, if you don't read the Bible and nobody preaches on sin, how would you know? This person grew up in a Baptist Church, and nobody lived by Biblical standards.
|
|
Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
|
Post by Dezi on May 17, 2019 19:59:56 GMT -5
Yes I knew but I thought God had forgiven him and I did too. I didn't know what I know now. I was 20 when we got together and I didn't know anything about divorce. That is a difficult situation, and I understand where you are coming from. I also understand about the new life. I understand that you are saying you were not a Christian for a time, but here we have another interesting situation. If you had been an unbeliever, never saved, when you were in that marriage, and you got saved after the divorce and he was re-married, that is different than entering the marriage saved, backsliding and losing salvation, and then getting saved again. That could happen multiple times in a lifetime if someone was unstable. You could repeat the same thing all over again in a second marriage and then feel like you were starting over when you got saved for the third time.
I think Candance gave you great advise. Look at all the scriptures on the topic of divorce and re-marriage in the Bible. Study them carefully. Pray about it, and ask God to show you how he feels about you getting married again. Don't go by YouTube videos or even the multitude of opinions you are going to get from different Christians. Make sure you know God is okay with it before you get re-married so you won't have to live with feelings of guilt. If you feel like God is saying no, then don't re-marry. You need to be concerned about you and the man you want to marry and if this will harm your relationship with God. That is what matters most. I do believe if you seek God diligently about this, he will give you peace one way or the other. Preachers shy away from so many topics in the Bible, and the congregation really has no idea about what is right and wrong because few are taught they need to read their Bible. They are just to follow the Pastor blindly.
I really feel for you, because I know you really didn't know you were doing anything wrong. I met a woman who told me that as a sinner, she didn't even know what adultery was. It was just running around, and nobody thought it was any big deal in her circles. As hard as that is for some to understand, if you don't read the Bible and nobody preaches on sin, how would you know? This person grew up in a Baptist Church, and nobody lived by Biblical standards.
I knew very little about the Bible when I married my ex. I was young and had not studied it. Even in College when I was supposed to read it for classes I didn't. I strictly listened in Church and when you do that you truly do not understand so many things if they are not taught. When I was in the singles group at my church the Single's Pastor was divorced himself and not for adultery... he just simply felt they had grown apart. So, that was my standard to go by. Then during our marriage neither one of us studied the Bible. I had heard some ministers say divorce was wrong but I've also heard so many say God forgives your sin and then you can go on. I was also very influenced by the medications I had been put on before and during my marriage. Quite honestly, I was like an alcoholic because I was always under the influence of a drug that affects the same receptors as alcohol. All day every single day I was on these medications. So, I feel like my judgement was way off. I lost the ability to feel any spirituality, which is common for anyone on these medications. It changes the way you see everything.
|
|
|
Post by frienduff on May 17, 2019 20:43:04 GMT -5
They simply should remain single as by grace I have . DO I seem depressed at all . HAPPY is the one who hears and does my sayings . Now on that note , everyone knows what time it is , LORD PRAISING TIME . I just want to make sure I am understanding you correctly... since my ex husband was married before me then I was committing adultery the whole time I was married to him? I have never truly been married? Sister I got no green light in my spirit . I have no idea why , but the only advice at this time I can offer is , it might be better to remain single .
|
|
|
Post by frienduff on May 17, 2019 20:50:42 GMT -5
Dezi the only advice I have for you is this. If you are not 100% sure on what God wills for you in this area, you need to wait. You can get opinions and interpretations from a dozen people, and they may not be enough to settle your conscience. If there’s any part of you that’s afraid this might be a sin, you need to wait. And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin. — Romans 14:23 It’s far too easy for you to enter this marriage with doubt, then when things get rough you figure you’re being punished for sin and you start to regret the marriage. Don’t “eat” beyond your faith. Also, sister, you’re still healing. You’re a work in progress. Your doctrinal understanding will likely change about a LOT of important things other than marriage. I have never doubted this before until being in this group. I felt like I was forgiven of my sins of marriage and divorce and was starting fresh in a relationship with God. I didn't know much about The Word of God until the last year. I still don't know what to think of all this. My marriage was in my former life. So was mine . Yep . My marriage was in my old life . And yet no remarriage for me . I don't yet know why , but I got no peace in tell you to just go ahead and marry . But I am sure in time it will surface . Maybe it has to do with the time we in , or maybe if you are interested in a person , ITS NOT the RIGHT MAN . I don't know what it is sister . But I go absolutely no peace in just saying go ahead and marry . IN any case this has happened , I found out later WHY . An example . The Mormons came to my door when I was just a infant in the LORD . I did not know at all anything about them . They asked me to read the lil book of Mormon and pray to GOD while I did . In the SPIRIT I kept hearing NO NO . SO I never did . Of course some time later after I grew in the Lord and matured some and examined them , I LEARNED THEY ARE TOTALLY FALSE . But I get a similar feeling RIGHT NOW . SO my advice , do not marry . Whatever reason I have this pricking of the conscious , WILL SURFACE in time . It does . Another time was when I was reading a site . And this person was writing total and do I mean total truth , AND YET again in the SPIRIT I perceived something is wrong . Sure enough I went farther into his site and found new age books and other stuff. THE SPIRIT gives discernment . And again for some reason my only advice for now , IS DO not marry .
|
|
|
Post by frienduff on May 17, 2019 21:01:40 GMT -5
No he did not cheat on me but he did his first wife. So, wasn't he really not supposed to marry me to begin with? He is now remarried yes. In the world, and in most (fallen) churches, he could marry, divorce, remarry, ad-infinitum, always being an abomination, unrepentant, unforgiven. As it stands now, (from the post(s)) , he is unrepentant and unforgiven and causing you and others to fall (to sin). Exactly they do this . AM I forgiven that I cheated on my wife . YES . Am I free to remarry . NO and I never will be lest she dies . We gotta go out standing on JESUS WORDS . But don't you worry or feel one bit sad for me , I GOT ALL JOY IN THE LORD . And folks need to really know something . Lets say no cheating had occurred . And me and my wife had separated . GUESS what it don't matter who put who away NEITHER ONE could remarry . For even if one marries the one that was put away , ITS ADULTERY and if the one who did the putting away remarries , ITS ADULTERY. WE GOTTA go out ON JESUS WORDS . Save for fornication or death . And most folks twist what paul says . HE says art thou LOOSED from a wife , seek not a wife , yet if you marry you have not sinned . YEAH but they forget , The only way to BE LOOSED is save for fornication or death . YEP . That wicked man of belial TD JAKES telling paula white , THOU ART LOOSED . RIGHT Man cannot LOOSE what God Bound . Folks we need to go out Standing on CHRIST and ALL them sayings .
|
|
|
Post by John on May 19, 2019 7:22:49 GMT -5
That is a difficult situation, and I understand where you are coming from. I also understand about the new life. I understand that you are saying you were not a Christian for a time, but here we have another interesting situation. If you had been an unbeliever, never saved, when you were in that marriage, and you got saved after the divorce and he was re-married, that is different than entering the marriage saved, backsliding and losing salvation, and then getting saved again. That could happen multiple times in a lifetime if someone was unstable. You could repeat the same thing all over again in a second marriage and then feel like you were starting over when you got saved for the third time.
I think Candance gave you great advise. Look at all the scriptures on the topic of divorce and re-marriage in the Bible. Study them carefully. Pray about it, and ask God to show you how he feels about you getting married again. Don't go by YouTube videos or even the multitude of opinions you are going to get from different Christians. Make sure you know God is okay with it before you get re-married so you won't have to live with feelings of guilt. If you feel like God is saying no, then don't re-marry. You need to be concerned about you and the man you want to marry and if this will harm your relationship with God. That is what matters most. I do believe if you seek God diligently about this, he will give you peace one way or the other. Preachers shy away from so many topics in the Bible, and the congregation really has no idea about what is right and wrong because few are taught they need to read their Bible. They are just to follow the Pastor blindly.
I really feel for you, because I know you really didn't know you were doing anything wrong. I met a woman who told me that as a sinner, she didn't even know what adultery was. It was just running around, and nobody thought it was any big deal in her circles. As hard as that is for some to understand, if you don't read the Bible and nobody preaches on sin, how would you know? This person grew up in a Baptist Church, and nobody lived by Biblical standards.
I knew very little about the Bible when I married my ex. I was young and had not studied it. Even in College when I was supposed to read it for classes I didn't. I strictly listened in Church and when you do that you truly do not understand so many things if they are not taught. When I was in the singles group at my church the Single's Pastor was divorced himself and not for adultery... he just simply felt they had grown apart. So, that was my standard to go by. Then during our marriage neither one of us studied the Bible. I had heard some ministers say divorce was wrong but I've also heard so many say God forgives your sin and then you can go on. I was also very influenced by the medications I had been put on before and during my marriage. Quite honestly, I was like an alcoholic because I was always under the influence of a drug that affects the same receptors as alcohol. All day every single day I was on these medications. So, I feel like my judgement was way off. I lost the ability to feel any spirituality, which is common for anyone on these medications. It changes the way you see everything. What you described is all too common. Church leadership doesn't follow the Bible. You have the blind leading the blind. From a Bible standpoint, growing apart is not a good reason for divorce. From a worldly standpoint, it makes perfectly good sense. I am not against listening to teachers and preachers. Those are among the ministry gifts, but whatever anyone says must be in agreement with the Bible. If what they are saying is not in agreement with the Bible, don't follow them.
You need to take the time to look closely at all the scriptures on this subject for yourself. There are not that many. There is the one the man on the video quoted from directly from the law of Moses and the passage in Malachi to show you what was written in the Old Testament, and you can find Jesus speaking on the subject in several places, plus what Paul says in 1 Corinthians. Look carefully at what the Bible says, and pray about it till you have the mind of Christ for your situation.
|
|
PG4Him
Senior Member
Essay Moderator
Posts: 3,570
|
Post by PG4Him on May 19, 2019 9:27:23 GMT -5
Churches these days are looking to separate you from your money. They won’t rock the boat too much lest their customers leave.
|
|
Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
|
Post by Dezi on May 19, 2019 13:56:53 GMT -5
I knew very little about the Bible when I married my ex. I was young and had not studied it. Even in College when I was supposed to read it for classes I didn't. I strictly listened in Church and when you do that you truly do not understand so many things if they are not taught. When I was in the singles group at my church the Single's Pastor was divorced himself and not for adultery... he just simply felt they had grown apart. So, that was my standard to go by. Then during our marriage neither one of us studied the Bible. I had heard some ministers say divorce was wrong but I've also heard so many say God forgives your sin and then you can go on. I was also very influenced by the medications I had been put on before and during my marriage. Quite honestly, I was like an alcoholic because I was always under the influence of a drug that affects the same receptors as alcohol. All day every single day I was on these medications. So, I feel like my judgement was way off. I lost the ability to feel any spirituality, which is common for anyone on these medications. It changes the way you see everything. What you described is all too common. Church leadership doesn't follow the Bible. You have the blind leading the blind. From a Bible standpoint, growing apart is not a good reason for divorce. From a worldly standpoint, it makes perfectly good sense. I am not against listening to teachers and preachers. Those are among the ministry gifts, but whatever anyone says must be in agreement with the Bible. If what they are saying is not in agreement with the Bible, don't follow them.
You need to take the time to look closely at all the scriptures on this subject for yourself. There are not that many. There is the one the man on the video quoted from directly from the law of Moses and the passage in Malachi to show you what was written in the Old Testament, and you can find Jesus speaking on the subject in several places, plus what Paul says in 1 Corinthians. Look carefully at what the Bible says, and pray about it till you have the mind of Christ for your situation.
Thank you John... I am having a really hard time with this. I have not said anything to the man I've been dating yet. I am about to bring it up though. He will be devastated and this hurts me. I thought I had found my real partner for life. He and I are so much alike and really understand each other. He is understanding of my condition and only wants to help. I know he loves me. So, how do you tell someone that you can't marry them because the Bible says it? I think it's going to be hard on us both. I am already going through so much and I thought this was the one thing that would help me have a good life. I have no one really. My parents help me with some things to keep me alive but they are old and won't be around many more years. My daughter is disabled and needs me and I can't even be there for her. My son needs a life without having to care for Mom. So, honestly I don't know where to go from here. I truly have no one. Yes I know I have God but he doesn't go to the store for me... Sounds ridiculous but that's the way it is.
|
|
PG4Him
Senior Member
Essay Moderator
Posts: 3,570
|
Post by PG4Him on May 19, 2019 16:09:09 GMT -5
What you described is all too common. Church leadership doesn't follow the Bible. You have the blind leading the blind. From a Bible standpoint, growing apart is not a good reason for divorce. From a worldly standpoint, it makes perfectly good sense. I am not against listening to teachers and preachers. Those are among the ministry gifts, but whatever anyone says must be in agreement with the Bible. If what they are saying is not in agreement with the Bible, don't follow them.
You need to take the time to look closely at all the scriptures on this subject for yourself. There are not that many. There is the one the man on the video quoted from directly from the law of Moses and the passage in Malachi to show you what was written in the Old Testament, and you can find Jesus speaking on the subject in several places, plus what Paul says in 1 Corinthians. Look carefully at what the Bible says, and pray about it till you have the mind of Christ for your situation.
Thank you John... I am having a really hard time with this. I have not said anything to the man I've been dating yet. I am about to bring it up though. He will be devastated and this hurts me. I thought I had found my real partner for life. He and I are so much alike and really understand each other. He is understanding of my condition and only wants to help. I know he loves me. So, how do you tell someone that you can't marry them because the Bible says it? I think it's going to be hard on us both. I am already going through so much and I thought this was the one thing that would help me have a good life. I have no one really. My parents help me with some things to keep me alive but they are old and won't be around many more years. My daughter is disabled and needs me and I can't even be there for her. My son needs a life without having to care for Mom. So, honestly I don't know where to go from here. I truly have no one. Yes I know I have God but he doesn't go to the store for me... Sounds ridiculous but that's the way it is. If this man truly loves you, he will not abandon you simply because you have religious concerns about rushing into marriage. If you feel pressure to marry him because that’s the only way to keep him in your life, then you need to question if you’re marrying him because God told you to. I know it’s difficult to be alone, and I know that when you meet a good man it seems obvious to marry him, but in your situation I just don’t know if God wills for you to to go ahead and marry this year. This may have been what was prompting frienduff to say he felt unsure in his spirit. You don’t have to tell this man it’s over. But I would tell him that you’ve been reading the Bible and you have some concerns and you want to wait until you have prayed a little more. If he offers to pray with you to get it resolved, then you know he really loves you. If he demands that you marry him or else, it’s a sign that he doesn’t really love you.
|
|
|
Post by John on May 19, 2019 16:48:16 GMT -5
Thank you John... I am having a really hard time with this. I have not said anything to the man I've been dating yet. I am about to bring it up though. He will be devastated and this hurts me. I thought I had found my real partner for life. He and I are so much alike and really understand each other. He is understanding of my condition and only wants to help. I know he loves me. So, how do you tell someone that you can't marry them because the Bible says it? I think it's going to be hard on us both. I am already going through so much and I thought this was the one thing that would help me have a good life. I have no one really. My parents help me with some things to keep me alive but they are old and won't be around many more years. My daughter is disabled and needs me and I can't even be there for her. My son needs a life without having to care for Mom. So, honestly I don't know where to go from here. I truly have no one. Yes I know I have God but he doesn't go to the store for me... Sounds ridiculous but that's the way it is. If this man truly loves you, he will not abandon you simply because you have religious concerns about rushing into marriage. If you feel pressure to marry him because that’s the only way to keep him in your life, then you need to question if you’re marrying him because God told you to. I know it’s difficult to be alone, and I know that when you meet a good man it seems obvious to marry him, but in your situation I just don’t know if God wills for you to to go ahead and marry this year. This may have been what was prompting frienduff to say he felt unsure in his spirit. You don’t have to tell this man it’s over. But I would tell him that you’ve been reading the Bible and you have some concerns and you want to wait until you have prayed a little more. If he offers to pray with you to get it resolved, then you know he really loves you. If he demands that you marry him or else, it’s a sign that he doesn’t really love you. To me, this is great advise.
|
|
Cletus
Senior Member
Posts: 2,517
|
Post by Cletus on May 19, 2019 17:40:23 GMT -5
oooWee... that is hammer head to the nail head, one strike, countersunk flush to the surface, no marring whatsoever.
that is great advise!!!
|
|
Dezi
Junior Member
Posts: 431
|
Post by Dezi on May 20, 2019 11:46:08 GMT -5
I have another question... according to what I've been reading it seems that my marriage to my ex husband was an adulteress relationship... so was it really a marriage? Or have I really never been married? I am still confused on this subject.
|
|
PG4Him
Senior Member
Essay Moderator
Posts: 3,570
|
Post by PG4Him on May 20, 2019 12:39:04 GMT -5
A marriage isn’t ‘nonexistent’ just because it was a bad idea, any more than a child wouldn’t exist if the baby was born in adultery. Doing a sinful action is still doing something.
|
|