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Post by John on Dec 22, 2019 20:11:27 GMT -5
I have posted on a couple other forums about what I am experiencing. I got excited about the gospel at a young age and got baptized, thought I was saved. I was a nasty teenager. I treated my mom and brother horribly. I got into sexual sin in my teens and lived just like the world, while thinking I was saved. I got back into church in my 20s, and knocked off the sexual sin for a time, but got back into it. I read a John Piper article about a year and a half ago after some disturbance that there might be more to being a Christian than I thought, and now I realize that I was a false believer (i.e. not at all) and that I was unsaved. I have read extensively about Hebrews 6, the unpardonable sin, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, etc. I have little to no hope that I can be saved or that I even want to be saved. I'm more concerned about my children at this point, that I will not be able to lead them to Christ, and they may suffer for what I did. I lied to myself about being a Christian, I lied to my wife about my sexual past, and now there are three children that are here because of my sin. I don't know that even if you pray for me, that God would even honor it because of my motives behind posting here. I feel certain that I have committed this sin. I could only wish that it was only that I said something stupid. I read this several times and I have not seen yet where you think you've committed the unpardonable sin... could you explain what you did that would be unpardonable? Did you speak against the Holy Spirit? I do not believe he did either Dezi.
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Post by sbuckle1 on Dec 22, 2019 20:38:34 GMT -5
At one point, I angrily blurted to my wife after a sermon "well, I guess I don't believe in God and I don't believe the gospel!". This sermon directly addressed my pride problem and everything. It should have cracked my heart in two, by it did not, and that response was out of that motivation because I was frustrated because I was trying so hard to believe because I didn't want to go to hell. Something inside me felt like it died when I said that. The fear of hell I had has never been as strong as it was after I said that. I can hear the gospel and not be moved a bit. I can hear about the cross and not weep. Everything that is supposed to motivate me to give up sin, including hell, isn't working. I see no evidence that God is drawing me to salvation anymore. I am trapped. I don't know what would need to happen. I've been in church most my whole life and my heart is very hard. That's why I need prayer for my kids. It's too late for me because I am hardened in sin and God has cast me off, and the evidence for that is that I don't have the desire to quit sinning.
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Dezi
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Post by Dezi on Dec 22, 2019 21:32:42 GMT -5
At one point, I angrily blurted to my wife after a sermon "well, I guess I don't believe in God and I don't believe the gospel!". This sermon directly addressed my pride problem and everything. It should have cracked my heart in two, by it did not, and that response was out of that motivation because I was frustrated because I was trying so hard to believe because I didn't want to go to hell. Something inside me felt like it died when I said that. The fear of hell I had has never been as strong as it was after I said that. I can hear the gospel and not be moved a bit. I can hear about the cross and not weep. Everything that is supposed to motivate me to give up sin, including hell, isn't working. I see no evidence that God is drawing me to salvation anymore. I am trapped. I don't know what would need to happen. I've been in church most my whole life and my heart is very hard. That's why I need prayer for my kids. It's too late for me because I am hardened in sin and God has cast me off, and the evidence for that is that I don't have the desire to quit sinning. What you said doesn't sound like Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, but like unbelief which is not an unpardonable sin. But, sin itself remaining in our lives hardens our hearts to the Lord. We have to be willing to remove the sin because we know it is bad for us and hurts both us and God. He gives us parameters to live within because he knows the consequences to living outside of His will. There are always consequences to sin. We can love sin more than anything else and choose not to come out of it. Satan gets a stronghold on us with sin and it's very hard to stop. But, God has not turned his back on you as of yet!
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Post by sbuckle1 on Dec 22, 2019 21:48:24 GMT -5
Well, that doesn't do me a lot of good if I don't turn from sin.
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Post by 4hizglory37 on Dec 22, 2019 23:10:59 GMT -5
Hi sbuckle1
Perhaps this would help. I have been watching some awesome testimonies and are wonderful in showing what God and the Risen Jesus does! I hope this blesses you! Be encouraged, the devil is a liar and Jesus' love for you is deeper than any ocean, higher than any sky and no sin is greater than His grace.
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Post by John on Dec 23, 2019 4:58:59 GMT -5
Well, that doesn't do me a lot of good if I don't turn from sin. Of course that is true. We are only telling you that you can be saved if you want to be saved. The one thing you need to realize is that this is not about feelings or emotions. You don't have to feel bad about your sin for God to be willing to forgive you, and you don't have to feel like crying when you hear salvation messages. You just have to take this to God, confess your sins, accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, and commit to living for him. Then go and sin no more. Do your best. You may not want to stop sinning, but that can change, but you have to take that first step of faith.
This is entirely up to you what you do from here. If you really don't care if you have to spend eternity in hell, it is your life, but you need to think long and hard about this because you will feel different when you wake up in hell, and then you won't be able to change your mind. It will be too late.
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Post by John on Dec 23, 2019 5:16:27 GMT -5
I have posted on a couple other forums about what I am experiencing. I got excited about the gospel at a young age and got baptized, thought I was saved. I was a nasty teenager. I treated my mom and brother horribly. I got into sexual sin in my teens and lived just like the world, while thinking I was saved. I got back into church in my 20s, and knocked off the sexual sin for a time, but got back into it. I read a John Piper article about a year and a half ago after some disturbance that there might be more to being a Christian than I thought, and now I realize that I was a false believer (i.e. not at all) and that I was unsaved. I have read extensively about Hebrews 6, the unpardonable sin, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, etc. I have little to no hope that I can be saved or that I even want to be saved. I'm more concerned about my children at this point, that I will not be able to lead them to Christ, and they may suffer for what I did. I lied to myself about being a Christian, I lied to my wife about my sexual past, and now there are three children that are here because of my sin. I don't know that even if you pray for me, that God would even honor it because of my motives behind posting here. I feel certain that I have committed this sin. I could only wish that it was only that I said something stupid. I wanted to go back to this post again, and what you said.
"I have little to no hope that I can be saved or that I even want to be saved. I'm more concerned about my children at this point, that I will not be able to lead them to Christ, and they may suffer for what I did."
That is a real concern. If you don't get saved, who will lead them to Jesus? If you don't want to turn from your sins, why will they want to turn from their sins? You are going to have to choose to lead by example if you really care about your children. Yes, they may very well suffer, not for what you did, but for what you choose to do going forward. Let your children be your motivation for getting right with God. That is a good place to start. If you are really concerned about their souls, you have to do something about it. I can't save them. Nobody here can save them. You have to decide what means more to you, your lifestyle of sin or your children. That is just the reality of the situation
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Post by solid on Dec 23, 2019 6:46:06 GMT -5
Well, that doesn't do me a lot of good if I don't turn from sin. Sin brings pleasure for a season, but the end result is death. This life is short compared to eternity. It is not worth holding onto sin at the cost of your soul.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2019 7:32:32 GMT -5
At one point, I angrily blurted to my wife after a sermon "well, I guess I don't believe in God and I don't believe the gospel!". This sermon directly addressed my pride problem and everything. It should have cracked my heart in two, by it did not, and that response was out of that motivation because I was frustrated because I was trying so hard to believe because I didn't want to go to hell. Something inside me felt like it died when I said that. The fear of hell I had has never been as strong as it was after I said that. I can hear the gospel and not be moved a bit. I can hear about the cross and not weep. Everything that is supposed to motivate me to give up sin, including hell, isn't working. I see no evidence that God is drawing me to salvation anymore. I am trapped. I don't know what would need to happen. I've been in church most my whole life and my heart is very hard. That's why I need prayer for my kids. It's too late for me because I am hardened in sin and God has cast me off, and the evidence for that is that I don't have the desire to quit sinning. Sounds like you thought that sermon pegged you as an 'unbeliever' because you still had sin in your life. It sounds like that discouraged you and you responded in exasperation. This is why the bible says, fathers do not exasperate your children. But you didn't blaspheme the Holy Spirit with that, so there is hope. You mentioned your mother and brother, but not your father.....was he in your life during your teen years? If not, there might be anger and abandonment issues concerning your father and you are projecting that onto God and believing in your heart that you are not worthy of Him since your father apparently didn't act as though you were worth sticking around for...? Or perhaps you are angry at God for allowing that to happen, or other negative things to happen..? Your sinful lifestyle may be expressing your anger and rebellion concerning your father, or your negative feelings concerning yourself or God, but at the same time it is troubling your conscience greatly. It is not God who has cast you off per se, but it is sin that separates any person from God. When the Holy Spirit is grieved enough, He withdraws. But that doesn't at all have to mean irrevocably. Your lack of desire to walk away from sin might be because you have a sense of futility and discouragement about your whole situation. It might help to comfort you to understand that the negative things that happen to us in our young lives are used by God to prepare our hearts for the gospel.....loss of parent, abuses, etc. In the Psalms, David wrote that when mother and father forsake me it is then the Lord will take me up. People who have everything going their way in life don't often come to Christ. But at the same time a person may have wrong beliefs and hurts in their heart that they aren't even aware of which affect their ability to fully embrace Christ and follow Him. Ask the Lord about your situation and express all your dilemma just like you are expressing it in writing here.....cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you. A broken and contrite heart He will not despise or reject. You may be afraid to open your heart and emotions to Him because of fearing being rejected and hurt all over again, when actually the opposite happens and He starts to bring the comfort and healing that we need. Pride, anger and sin are often the walls we erect around our heart to protect it from being hurt....but Jesus can set us free from these bondages, so dont' give up. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us......not because we were worthy, but because He is so merciful. It is a free gift if you could just get to the place where you seek the Lord to help you open your heart and accept and receive it.....Jesus didn't come to condemn you but to save you. The desire and ability to stop sinning even comes from Him, we don't have it of ourselves. The devil is a liar.....encourage you to seek God for the light of His truth, and hope some of this might be helpful to you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2019 9:28:05 GMT -5
Well, that doesn't do me a lot of good if I don't turn from sin. Sin brings pleasure for a season, but the end result is death. This life is short compared to eternity. It is not worth holding onto sin at the cost of your soul. Amen....sinning is like buying into a lie....being on the wrong end of making a really bad deal. Buying swampland in Florida. And it is what hardens the heart. We just can't have our cake and eat it too. I think the first thing this person needs to do is to stop sinning, whatever it might be. No desire to stop sinning, well maybe due to that hardening, but I bet he wishes he had some peace of mind instead of this anguish of soul. So I would say be wise and stop sinning anyhow even if the desire isn't there yet, just because it is the right thing to do....just do it because he knows in his conscience that it's right and good......and see what fruit it might start to bear, maybe some softening of heart and an increase of peace, and a chance for God to minister to the needs of his soul. Sin and continue to have all this agony and conflict....or just walk away from sin and have peace.....it's really a no-brainer. Because He loves him, the Lord is not going to let up until he surrenders. Nobody is strong enough to defeat Almighty God. Luk 14:31-32 “Or what king, when he sets out to meet another king in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with ten thousand men to encounter the one coming against him with twenty thousand? “Or else, while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.
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Post by frienduff on Dec 23, 2019 9:32:57 GMT -5
At one point, I angrily blurted to my wife after a sermon "well, I guess I don't believe in God and I don't believe the gospel!". This sermon directly addressed my pride problem and everything. It should have cracked my heart in two, by it did not, and that response was out of that motivation because I was frustrated because I was trying so hard to believe because I didn't want to go to hell. Something inside me felt like it died when I said that. The fear of hell I had has never been as strong as it was after I said that. I can hear the gospel and not be moved a bit. I can hear about the cross and not weep. Everything that is supposed to motivate me to give up sin, including hell, isn't working. I see no evidence that God is drawing me to salvation anymore. I am trapped. I don't know what would need to happen. I've been in church most my whole life and my heart is very hard. That's why I need prayer for my kids. It's too late for me because I am hardened in sin and God has cast me off, and the evidence for that is that I don't have the desire to quit sinning. Choose ye this day whom you shall serve . You are correct that you are in dire , dire and grave danger , but you did not yet commit the unpardonable sin . IF you did , WHY is it still in your conscious FOR YOUR children to be saved . THERE is still a wee bit left , BUT if you don't hurry and heed the SPIRIT and repent and etc , It will be too late . No man knows his final hour , Hurry , do not hesistate and do not wait , and no matter how YOU FEEL , ignore the emotions and keep pressing in . Ignore the thoughts in your head , AND CRY out to the LORD and HE WILL hear .
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Post by sbuckle1 on Dec 23, 2019 9:42:24 GMT -5
My parents divorced when I was a teenager. My dad was still in my life and he cared about me. It isn't a dad issue, it's a sin issue. It's that I am completely wrong. You said that even the desire to stop sinning comes from God. I have been praying and hoping for about a year and a half now. I quit the sexual sin that involves the computer if you know what I mean. That sin went quick. The John Piper article regarding Hebrews 10 broke me out of that quick. For a time I had cut way back on food. I altered my driving habits, stopped going out to eat fast food twice a day, confessed that I was lying on reports at work, confessed that I had been using funds against procedures, etc. I had been spending money frivolously but I have cut that out. But any effort on my part to try to quit sin is mostly along the lines of trying to turn over a new leaf, and I fail. My overeating is back and I have gained back a bit of the weight I had lost. Whenever I am out and about, my eyes are glued like magnets to women. It doesn't even take a fraction of a second anymore. My efforts to stop looking at women have made the problem worse.
But going back to being sorry - isn't godly sorrow the whole motivation for stopping sin? There's a verse in 2 Corinthians about that. And a message by a pastor I trust says "Look, if you're not sorry for your sin, there's no reason to even talk about repentance". And you cannot even approach God in prayer without a broken and contrite heart and expect Him to hear. I don't have any of this. Sure, I can be sorry about the consequences and with Cain say "My punishment is too much to bear" or wail like Esau after the consequence for the sin has come about. But that doesn't hold any weight with God. My prayers are weak and fake, they don't come from the heart. Imaginary. I am almost 40. I have heard the gospel most of my life. God's patience has a limit. The motivation to quit sin is belief in Jesus. A radical, supernatural trust that is so strong that you won't want to sin. None of this exists in me, perfectly consistent with someone who has blasphemed the Spirit.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2019 10:39:53 GMT -5
My parents divorced when I was a teenager. My dad was still in my life and he cared about me. It isn't a dad issue, it's a sin issue. It's that I am completely wrong. You said that even the desire to stop sinning comes from God. I have been praying and hoping for about a year and a half now. I quit the sexual sin that involves the computer if you know what I mean. That sin went quick. The John Piper article regarding Hebrews 10 broke me out of that quick. For a time I had cut way back on food. I altered my driving habits, stopped going out to eat fast food twice a day, confessed that I was lying on reports at work, confessed that I had been using funds against procedures, etc. I had been spending money frivolously but I have cut that out. But any effort on my part to try to quit sin is mostly along the lines of trying to turn over a new leaf, and I fail. My overeating is back and I have gained back a bit of the weight I had lost. Whenever I am out and about, my eyes are glued like magnets to women. It doesn't even take a fraction of a second anymore. My efforts to stop looking at women have made the problem worse. But going back to being sorry - isn't godly sorrow the whole motivation for stopping sin? There's a verse in 2 Corinthians about that. And a message by a pastor I trust says "Look, if you're not sorry for your sin, there's no reason to even talk about repentance". And you cannot even approach God in prayer without a broken and contrite heart and expect Him to hear. I don't have any of this. Sure, I can be sorry about the consequences and with Cain say "My punishment is too much to bear" or wail like Esau after the consequence for the sin has come about. But that doesn't hold any weight with God. My prayers are weak and fake, they don't come from the heart. Imaginary. I am almost 40. I have heard the gospel most of my life. God's patience has a limit. The motivation to quit sin is belief in Jesus. A radical, supernatural trust that is so strong that you won't want to sin. None of this exists in me, perfectly consistent with someone who has blasphemed the Spirit. My dear young brother (you're the same age as my eldest son).....I will pray for you today about these things. Godly sorrow does lead to repentance. But not everything requires sorrow and tears though, sometimes it's just a simple turning away from the temptation and yielding to the Spirit. It sounds very much to me like you are still in the battle and have made progress with regards to the computer.....praise the Lord for that victory. I hear in your voice someone who does want to be right with God. Don't you give up. He is the Lord who told us to forgive 70 x 7 times....remember that. It means the Lord will forgive us the same. It's not for us to decide how long God's patience is....He is the judge and He judges righteously. So please don't give up because of thinking he must have run out of patience with you.....you just don't know that. Stay in the battle and be encouraged. More I want to say but will wait til I have prayed and have fewer distractions at home here. Bless you.
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Post by sbuckle1 on Dec 23, 2019 10:45:37 GMT -5
Well, I don't know if I WANT to be, but I HAVE to be. Though the temptation to quit and live profligately is there, I can't be satisfied with that.
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Post by sbuckle1 on Dec 23, 2019 11:03:20 GMT -5
I would also like to ask for prayer for my wife. I hesitated whether to say this because I have no right to do so in my state. My job has an early start time, so I do not get time with my children in the morning. I get a couple hours in the evening before bed, and the weekends, but my wife spends the majority of the time with them. She told me that she doesn't read the Bible or pray for wisdom for raising the children as much as she ought. I don't know what that means as far as is she saved or not, but I am concerned for her as well. I know the hypocrisy that raises on my part, but if I know something is wrong, I don't know what is the bigger sin, to open myself to hypocrisy or keep silent. She knows she ought to be praying for wisdom and reading the Word more. We homeschool the children because we do not want the worldly influence of the schools on them, so she is around them all the time.
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